I have been really boring the last few days just trying to figure out my first week of school (and trying to avoid thinking about it at the same time) and I found this article. I have been on some pretty boring, monotonous dates and thought this may help some of you. I have also added my own comments on some of the very important issues.
So you went out with somebody and thought they were absolutely amazing. She was the hottest, sexiest woman of the moment. So, how do you capitalize on the success of a great first date?
Here are 10 sure-fire ways to get that second date:
1. Ask her out again at the end of the first date. Invite her to do something she told you she finds exciting. For example, if she likes Mexican food, tell her you know the best Mexican restaurant in town and you want to bring her there Tuesday night. Set up that second date so she doesn't have time to think about the first date, and so she has something to look forward to.
*If you ask her on a date that involves something she mentioned in passing, she will know that you really listened to her. That is so important. I hate when I feel like I've been talking to a brick wall all night or when I say something for the 14th time and he says something to the effect of, "What?! You never told me that before." Yes. I did. Fourteen times to be exact. But that was a tangent. Just listen to her, be interested in her and this comes up later so keep reading.
2. Text her or call her the very next day. Either text her a simple message that says "Had a great time last night...Looking forward to the next time." Or, call her and leave a message and tell her the same thing over the phone.
*And if you do leave a message, make sure you sound up beat. There is nothing worse than a phone message that sounds like someone is giving you bad news when in fact he is telling you he had a great time. If you had a great time, sound like it! Even if you have to fake that enthusiastic voice, do it. If you sound bored/tired/disinterested, chances are we will become bored/tired/disinterested in you.
3. Don't agree with everything she says. Challenge her mind. If you agree with everything she says, she'll look at you as being weak. If she sees you as being weak, she will no longer be attracted to you, and you will no longer get a second look or a second date. I'm not telling you to be confrontational. I'm telling you to be open, honest and real.
*I want to be challenged in my opinions. I like to hear other's points of view. It makes me a better, well-rounded person. I've been on dates where I realized quite quickly that he was just saying things to make me happy. Guess what, it made me angry. This is how the conversations went:
Me: "And I hate babies. I like to punch them when no one is looking. Do you hate babies too?"
Him:"YES. Despise them."
Me: "And puppies too. I kick them and pull their tails. I mean who wants a puppy anyway?"
Him: "Yeah puppies suck."
This horrible display of annoying weakness did not lead to a 2nd date.
4. Don't expect sex or force the issue of sex until it's right for both parties. Take things slow and enjoy getting to know each other. There are no rules about when to have sex for the first time with a new potential partner. You're both adults, and if a woman decides that she doesn't want to have sex with you for a month, respect her! Or, if a woman decides she wants to have sex with you on the first date, respect that decision too! When you do have sex, make sure that the two of you handle it like adults and not like children.
*Ok, I don't have experience with this but let's relate it to kissing. Some girls are fine with kissing asap, some are not. Just respect it and let it happen naturally. Read her cues. If she is avoiding eye contact, she probably doesn't want to kiss you. If she is licking her lips, looking at your lips, making lots of eye contact, etc. go for it. If she turns her head, no worries, you read the clues wrong. Dust yourself off and try again on a later date.
5. Be positive and fun when you're out with her on a date. Don't bash your ex. Don't complain about all the things that are wrong in your life. Spend time getting to know each other's good sides.
*Rants about how much you hate work should also not be mentioned on date one. Or date four…you know what…keep it to yourself. Complain to your mom, your roommate, your dog, your coworker that hates your stupid boss as much as you do because your boss has no social skills, treats you like you and your opinion don't matter because you don't have a degree, makes racist remarks and is incompetent. Keep it positive with the girl you want to impress. When you get further into the relationship, she will want to hear what's wrong at work and she will probably help you find an answer to your problem. But the first few dates are not the place or the time to complain about your horrible boss (even if he is the biggest LDB who ever lived).
6. Listen to your date. Question things that don't sound right. Have a two-sided conversation instead of talking at her. Most men tend to want to impress women with their accomplishments. Women enjoy getting to know a man based on what's inside. So spend time listening and having a conversation instead of bragging about yourself. The less you brag, the more interested she will be!
*Ugh! Bragging = huge turn off! Don't do it. Again, ask your date questions. Ask follow up questions. Use good listening strategies—look at her, nod your head, etc. If she is interested in you (and not completely self absorbed) she will also ask questions of you. This is a time when you can do a little bragging (Good="Yeah, own my own business." BAD= "Yeah, at 24 I had saved enough money to buy a business. Within 2 years I turned it into a multimillion dollar cash machine. Then at 27 I expanded my empire globally…BLAH BLAH BLAH...").
7. When out with your date, do not check out other women in front of her. Do this, and you'll never get another date with her again.
*Why would this ever be acceptable? And don't ask your date if she thinks another guy is cute. First, why would you want to know if she saw him? Second, were you also checking him out? Is he more your type then she is? Just don't do it. It's annoying and immature.
8. Compliment her once about the way she looks. Don't tell her all night long how beautiful she is, because she will start to think that you've never before been out with a woman as beautiful as her, and you'll start to lose your power.
*I thought I was alone in this but have recently talked to many friends and realized they all hate it as much as I do. If you are constantly saying "You're beautiful/gorgeous/amazing/(insert any adjective to describe a girl's appearance here)" it makes me think that (a) you've never been out with anyone as beautiful/gorgeous/amazing as me and I'm obviously dating way down (b) you want something more from me and you think that complimenting me like a broken record will get you what you want, or (c) you've forgotten my name and think saying "Hey Beautiful." will trick me. It won't. I've had my name for my entire life and have grown to really like people using it to get my attention. This is a bit tangential but use her name. Call her by her name or maybe a shortened version of her name, if she is okay with that. In my case, I love it when people call me "Ash" I hate it when people replace my name with "Beautiful" "Angel" "Buttercup" "Kissy Face" "Honey Bunches of Oats" "Good Lookin'" I have a name, please use it.
9. Compliment her mind. Compliment her once about the way she looks. Bond with her mentally and emotionally and physically, and she will bond with you in ways that you've never experienced before!
*I have never been able to connect with people that don't respect me or my mind. I am a smart person and have worked very hard developing my mind and I appreciate being acknowledged for that. If you want to win a girl's heart, do it by bonding mentally, emotionally and physically. You can only get so far on half-assed one-liners about her beauty.
10. Once you've secured the second date, and the second date is successful, you need to set up an "activity date" for date number three -- take her to the park, go to the beach, or take your dogs for a long walk. Do things that cause her to picture the two of you as a couple. Dates should be creative, not boring. Sitting there and swapping stories over dinner tends to get monotonous after date number one, so start creatively planning different dates.
*Seriously, how many times can you get dinner, see a movie and make out? It gets really boring, really fast. Think of things to do with her. Use your brain for crying out loud! And, if you asked her out, it is YOUR responsibility to have the date planned. Do not, under any circumstance, pick her up and ask what she wants to do. Say "I was thinking we would do ___________. Does that sound good?" If she's not a total pushover, she will let you know that she doesn't want to do said activity and will then help you think of another activity. But it is your responsibility to plan the date you asked her out on.
That's my new dating philosophy, you asked you plan. I'll wait here until you have a plan.
Dating Coach, Blogger and Author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David's interactive blog at davidwygant.com
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