Lesson Learned

Next time, don't unload the freezer onto a hot stove top.

Ash H. is an Idiot: Story #3218

Scene: Early Saturday morning, Husband and I are standing in the bathroom getting ready.

Husband: "Can I talk you into coming with me [to fix cars]?  I could really use the help."
Me: "I have lots to do around here and I was going to run a few errands.  Don't you have some brothers that could learn how to do whatever it is you're doing today?"
Husband: "Please.  I'd really like to spend time with you today."
Me: "I really need to get stuff done.  I'm going to pass."

And pass I did.  In retrospect, I should have joined him.  I would have gotten just as much done.

Here's the story.

As Husband left, I began cleaning the house.  I quickly became bored and decided to run the errands I had planned.

As I was leaving I thought, "Man, I'm hungry.  I should have eaten lunch.  Oh, wait!  I have a coupon for a free sandwich at Chick-fil-a!  I'll just run in there and grab a sandwich then be on my way."

Bad choice.  I locked my keys in my car.  Ugh.  So I call Husband and say, "Guess what I did again."  (Yes, again.  This new-to-us '94 Sentra doesn't ding when the door is open and your keys are still in the ignition.  Dang 1994 and their cars that make it so easy to lock keys inside.) He thought I was going to say "killed the car" (I've also done that twice since December.  Maybe I should just get a bus pass.) I told him the story.  He told me he was up to his elbows in car parts and wouldn't be able to come save me for about an hour.  No big deal.  I'll just wander around the stores around the area.

I wondered through Shoe Carnival, Michael's, Sport Chalet, Michael's again and finally as a last resort, PetSmart.   I say it was a last resort because I'm not a big animal person.  I hate the way those stores smell, I hate....well, that might be it.  It's the smell.  Bleck!

Anyway, it was adoption day at PetSmart.  Despite my aversion to pets and horrible smells, I was thisclose...if you could see me you'd know I have my pointer finger and my thumb almost touching.  This close, people.  THISclose...to adopting an 11 year old lab.  His owner had died.  How sad.  This dog was just so sad.  You could see it in his eyes.  Oh, how I wanted to take him out of that tiny cage and love him and hug him and take him on walks.  He was just so sad and he definitely kept staring at me.  For real, peeps.  STARING.  He was for real trying to ESP me from his little dog brain "Take me home, Ash.  Take me.  You know you want to.  Look how cute but sad I am.  You're husband would like me too.  And I'd be perfectly happy in your little house with no yard...promise."

But I left without him.  I left with tears in my eyes.  I'm such a baby.

Just as I was leaving without my puppy soulmate, Husband called.  He came, unlocked my car and off he went.  And off I went to do my hours of errands in 1 hour.  Ugh.

Moral of the story: Just help your husband if he asks nicely.

Sometimes I'm a Bad Wife

I'm off-track until Monday.  Since we got home from Denver, I've been trying to be a good wife (read as all I've done is house-wifey things...grocery shopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, organizing and laundry...that dreaded laundry.  If you remember, sometimes I have issues with laundry.  Here and here).

So here I am, doing laundry and going about other stay-at-home-mom (minus the kids) duties.  I had a load in the washer that was almost done.  I brought my next load into the laundry room and set the load on top of the washer.  I did some more dishes.  The washer dings.  Take the load out, place it in the dryer.  Grab next load...OH. MY. GOODNESS.  Bleach stains.  All over two of my husband's (I think I'll use that instead of his name for a while.  I really like that.  Husband.  Husbandhusbandhusband!  Tangent.  Sorry.) shirts.  Ugh.  And they were really nice shirts.  I almost cried.  I'm a bit emotional.

So I used the Target gift card I received for Christmas to go buy him some replacements.  A replacement for the blue shirt was a no go.  I think I'll get some Rit die and try to make it look somewhat presentable.

But the button ups.  Score at the Target!  Major clearance.  3 shirts for $14.94.  Go team.  I felt pretty good about that purchase.  I wish I could find awesome things for me at that price...beside my super cute red shoes.

Turns out he really likes the new shirts but was not nearly as upset about the mishap as I was.  Who has a fantastic husband?  Oh, that's right.  I do.

Today Was a 3 Coke Kind of Day

Remember how I gave up soda?  Well. . .today that ended. 

I'm an idiot and think that if I don't go to sleep tomorrow won't come.  I'm always wrong about that.  Tomorrow always comes and it comes way too early. 

I know this is something I need to work on.  (I've said this all before...I've gone through all of this before...Remember? Here? Followed by this one?  Followed by this one?)  I talked about recommitting myself to sleep here.  I didn't really do that though.  I think the goal lasted about 3 days.  I know sleep is important but I just always think of a million more things that I'd rather do. 

One day, I will get enough sleep on a regular basis.  I promise.  One day...

Being Stupid is Tough Work

I've been super dumb the last couple of days. 

I already told you of the no sleeping thing.  This trend has continued and now I've gotten even stupider.

I'm blaming the lack of sleep for my horrible decision making.  I may be making it sound like I did something horrible.  I don't think I did.  But I do think it's just going to come back and bite me, and only me, in the bum. 

Here's how it all went down:

During reading groups, my student L. (you know L. from proper English lady, "Girls just want to date me", "Valentine's Day is a day of love", "Hey laaaaaaady!", Jedi boots, and Tampico.) asks me why I'm not married (then he told me how pretty I am and that I should have a boyfriend...but that's beside the point).  Somehow, we got to talking about my boyfriends or lack thereof.  And somehow, I began talking about the boy that I like.  I told them almost everything. 

My girls are even more obsessed now with finding me a husband than they were here.  We'll see how this all plays out.

Having a Life is Tough Work

Having a life is great but it's coming at the price of giving up precious hours of sleep and becoming a lazy teacher.

Like I said here, I've been going to church activities ALL.THE.TIME.  I've met some amazing people...some amazing people that like to say out way too late.  No one realizes that my sleeping habits resemble that of a grandma and they keep me awake until all hours of the morning...the MORNING, people!  (Other proof that I'm a grandma sleeper, read here and here.)

I know what you're all probably thinking or screaming at your computer screen.  But I can't just leave my friends or tell them to lock up my house when they leave because I'm going to bed, that would just be terrible hostess duties.

Here's my week since Sunday...


Sunday afternoon/evening...dinner at my house with a bunch of lovelies.

Sunday night...movie at Ryan's (awake until 1am).

Monday evening...FHE.

Monday night...get-together at my house (again, awake until 1am).

Tuesday night...Jazz game...Hung out with Chick-Fil-A cow and Jordan, left early but still didn't get into bed until midnight.

Wednesday morning...Holy cow!  I was can't-keep-my-eyes-open, can't-form-words, walking-like-a-zombie sleepy today.  My poor students!  Yep, they're being little turds lately but they still deserve more than I could give them today. 

I really should go to bed early tonight but it's Cinco de Mayo and I want to celebrate better than I did last year.  What to do?

4 Posts in 1 Day

Quick story.

After school on Friday, the staff threw a baby shower and a wedding shower (not for the same person).  Because we rarely all have to opportunity to be in the same room at the same time, we always go around and say what's new in each grade.  "Mrs. D won't be back next year, her husband got a job in France." or "Miss C. bought a new car." or "Mr. W is going on a cruise."  You know.  Same boring stuff we hear every time.

Being 6th grade and last to go, my teammates and I always try to concoct some sort of elaborate story because we are all so boring in real life.

(A little background on my team before I go any further.  75% of us are married...any guesses on the only single gal?  How'd you guess?  Yes, it's me.  Right now I'm on track with 2 lovely ladies who are trying to get pregnant.)

Having just had the "Are you pregnant yet?" conversation with many friends (I know, awkward) I immediately thought pregnancy...

We finally get to 6th grade and the 3 of us look at each other then our team leader shouts, "We're ALL pregnant!"

There is a 2.5 second pause of shock for 3 ladies on the same team being pregnant then I get open-mouth stares from every.single.person.  It was great.  Then embarrassing.  And I had to quickly retract the entire statement because I don't want anyone thinking I'm easy.  Also, no one on the team is pregnant.

But that's not the best part.

My teammate who began this juicy gossip on Friday came into class today to tell me something secret.  She whispered it to me in front of my class.  As she was saying it, my class starts to murmur.  "Hey!  No secrets in this class!" 

My teammate and I look at each other.  She smiles slyly.  I begin to speak without thinking (6th graders rub off).  I blurt, "I'm pregnant and getting married!"

Looks of wonder and woots of joy followed by "Miss J.  I'm still trying to find a man for you!"

I again had to immediately take this back.  I just shouted "April Fools!" and hoped everything would be okay.

Fast forward about 5 hours...

It's the end of the day.  We're cleaning up and getting homework passed out.  One boy comes up to me and asks, "So, you're not really pregnant, right?"  "No, H.D.  I'm not."  "And you're not getting married?"  "Nope.  I'm not getting married."  "Okay.  I just wanted to make sure."

But this is all leading up to an epic April Fool's Day* joke.  I'm so excited!  You'll hear about it on Thursday!

*I know April Fool's Day is over.  It was a weekend and I didn't get to do anything so I'm doing something with my team on Thursday. 

Another Thing About Laundry

I always fall in love with clothes that have a tag that reads "Dry Clean Only." Usually I oblige though I hate dry cleaning because I don't get that fresh laundry scent that I love so much and it costs a lot of money.

I thought I would take this sweater that I've had for ages (that has also been sitting in my closet for ages because of a hideous brown stain on the arm) and try washing it in the washing machine.

It came out and was about 2 sizes bigger than it was when it went in. I thought, "No problem. It was kinda short to begin with. I'll make it work."

I hung it to dry and went on about my day. Then I began to smell something horrible. It couldn't be my fresh laundry...so I went on a search. Nope. Not the garbage can. Nope. Not the fridge. Nope. Not dirty laundry. Nope. Not those smelly boots. What could it be? Just to cover my bases, I smelled the sweater. Yep. That's it. Oh gosh. Now what? Being the laundry genius that I obviously am, I decided to throw it in the dryer to see if the smell would go away.

10 minutes later, I pull the sweater out of the dryer. It still kind of smells but it's now 2 sizes smaller than it was pre-washing...and it has really long arms.

Here's the proof:

Yep. My hand is on my hip. Yep. It doesn't go around me quite like it used to.

Not sure what I'm going to do with it. I still think it's super cute. Maybe I could use an idea from one of the many crafty blogs I follow and refashion it. Or I could just donate it to a toddler with ridiculously long arms.

Would You Like a Kit-Kat With That?

Do you know what is so amazing in the moment and so very bad hours later?




Eating candy for lunch...that's what.


Eating candy for lunch = huge high followed by huge crash.

Note to self: Do not eat candy for lunch ever again.

A Thing About Laundry

Let's take at look at my homemaking skills or lack thereof.

I washed towels today. Because I'm not one to waste water, I thought "Lets throw these rugs in there too. What could it hurt?"

Well, if you like your white towels and rags WHITE, doing this hurts a lot.

Here's the before (no I didn't take an actual "before" picture. This is another set that used to be exactly the same.):

And, here's the after:



Note to self: Don't wash rugs and towels together ever again.