Wreaths Apparently Make Me Super Happy

I am in love love love with the book wreath I made.

See! Isn't it the cutest ever?




It's amazing. I don't know where I'll hang it yet but it's freaking fantastic.

Big thank you to Living with Lindsay and her great tutorial on how to make the wreath.

Here are the reasons I like this so much and why it turned out looking good:

1. NO MEASURING!

2. The steps are roll and glue. The end. Love it!

3. Hot glue is my friend (except when the bugger burns the crap out of my finger tips).

4. It was super cheap...under $3 but would have been $1 if I had the acrylic paint.

5. It matches my color scheme in my house...Just wait, the pictures of the paint, curtains, throw pillows and other decor coming soon.

6. It was super easy.

Book Wreath

Oh.My.Heck.

I'm so making one of these wreaths.

And guess what, I have plenty of old books sitting around my house. Instead of these books taking a trip to the D.I., they'll be taking a trip onto my wall.

Wahoo crafts!

Just Do This...

Call the Nestle Crunch Hot line at 1-800-295-0051. When you are asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, just wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will get a good laugh. Then press 4 for options and go through the menu. So funny!

"I'm Going to High Five the Crap Out of Your Mouth."

My sister's friend said that today.

I just wanted to remember.

Head Sweaters

You've probably noticed these...

if you don't live under a rock. My question is "Why are they so cool?"

While shopping today I counted 26...26!...people wearing these things. I'm sure there were more but I was busy finding amazing deals on things people didn't want before Christmas.

Do you really want to cover your ears with a headband?

Why do you also cover your forehead with a headband?

While you're thinking about that, why do you cover your hair with a headband?

And what are they called? My sisters and I labeled them "Head Sweaters."





BTW, I'll probably be wearing one of these within a few months.

Scary Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I was just checking out Sketchy Santas. If you are going to see Santa and he looks anything like one of these guys,



YOU NEED TO GET OUT! Something bad is going to happen.

And by the way, many of these Sketchy Santa pictures are sketchy because of the person sitting on Santa's lap, not the Santa. Like this one for example:

(all photos courtesy of Sketchy Santas)

P.S. Santa

If you can find it in your budget this year, I'd also like a car with 4 wheel drive and wind shield wipers that work. I think this would work:

Saul the Saturn is hating this snow and ice.

Sew Easy!

I made the scarf and it was actually pretty easy. For those of you who actually know how to sew, you could probably do it while grilling salmon, sorting your recycling, and teaching your cute baby to speak Mandarin Chinese.

Here are some tips that will make your life easier if you decide to follow this tutorial (hurry! It's only up for a limited time!) and make your own:

1. Have one of these mat things.


2. Use this kind of cutter (not crappy scissors).


3. Measure.

4. Don't get as impatient as I got and just hurry through it.

5. Did I say measure?

6. Actually plan out where you want your ruffles. Don't just start sewing.

Well, here it is, my so cute scarf. Thanks for the great idea Vanessa!



I tried to do a full body model-esque shot by using my self timer but I kept getting weird angles and headless shots so I did this instead.

Crafty Blog Ladies

I am OBSESSED with crafty blogs.

I think my fascination with these wonderful crafts comes from the fact that I cannot do crafts well so I like to look at all these lovely things and pretend that "if I had time" I'd totally be able to make things of the same caliber.

The first crafty blog I found was Made. Dana is a freaking crafting/sewing genius! I blogged about her so cute stuff here.

Dana is now a part of So You Think You're Crafty. This is a competition in which the 10 crafty bloggers are given a theme and they have to make something to go with that theme. This lovely blog has introduced me to Vanessa at V and Co, Mique at 30 Days, Marilyn at Krafy Mum, Jill at Homemade by Jill, Jessica at Happy Together, Dana at Made, Alish and Whitney at Sisters Stuff, Lindsey at Inspiring Creations, Kathleen at Katydid and Kid, and Ashley at Little Blue Boo.

After the last two themes (Winter and Mittens), I love Vanessa of V and Co. She makes such cute things. I've decided to take her winning entry for the Mittens theme, The Perfect Accessory for Your Mittens Scarf, and make it for me. If it's as easy as it looks you'll probably get one for next Christmas. Please forget that you just read that last line.

I'll show you the results when I'm done.

Wish me luck!

Friend Request Pending, Miss J.

A current student requested me as a friend on Facebook today.

I think my principal may think it's inappropriate for me to befriend this girl AND because I have the website to my blog on my account, she'd probably read through this whole thing and that's WAY too much information for any student of mine to know.

Writing is Like Ice Skating

Remember how I told you here that you could donate to my classroom at this website? And remember how you all ran to grab your debit cards then ran to donate to my classroom cause?

Well, guess what! My project was fully funded. Merry (early) Christmas to me and my students!

Thank you if you donated and if not, thank you for just reading. I know this is a difficult year for many people financially and I truly am grateful for any support you give your local school, both in time and money.

I Put You on the Streets

I know you've all probably seen this a million times but I just watched it again while I was waiting for my final class of the semester to start and I was reminded how ridiculously funny it is.

I present to you, for the one-million-and-oneth time, The Landlord:

***WARNING: A baby swears multiple times in this video. If that is offensive to you, please do not watch this.***

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

Why we love Ashley

Reason #68:

During the winter, she slips on ice every day and has only totally eaten it once. Hello bruised palms, knees and ego!

She needs some of these.

Crafty Craft Craft

I began working at Hallmark when I was 16. That made me a crazy person about Christmas decor. I bought everything. I had nothing to decorate until recently which lead to me having many, many boxes of Christmas stuff.

One of the many years that I worked at Hallmark, I decided that I wanted a tree with only gold, silver and bronze ornaments.

Today I decided that I didn't want to do that but what to do with the boxes and boxes of gold, silver and bronze ornaments? Make a super awesome wreath, that's what.

I wish I could take all the credit for it but I saw this wreath on this blog. She got the idea and instructions from this blog.

Yippee Team Awesome!

A Thing About Laundry

Let's take at look at my homemaking skills or lack thereof.

I washed towels today. Because I'm not one to waste water, I thought "Lets throw these rugs in there too. What could it hurt?"

Well, if you like your white towels and rags WHITE, doing this hurts a lot.

Here's the before (no I didn't take an actual "before" picture. This is another set that used to be exactly the same.):

And, here's the after:



Note to self: Don't wash rugs and towels together ever again.

After the Date

BAD.

The End.

Before the Date Update

Get this.

He just asked me to drive.

Do you see the smoke? This date is ready to burst into a fiery ball of ugliness.

How delicious.

Before the Date

I've been trying to think of something interesting to write about for days and I realized that anything interesting that happens to me revolves around the kids I teach. While I am not saying that I don't want or like being off track, I do know that I'm very boring without the 25 twelve-year-olds that I spend so much time with.

So let's just talk about the issues of the day.

About a week ago, I told you about T., the boy from church. Turns out even though I was a crazy person, he still wants to "get to know" me. Whatever. I gave him my phone number which turned into a crazy mess. He's sending me all kinds of texts. The most vomit inducing of which included the phrase "are you interested?" What?! Umm...I don't know you. You seem nice but all these texts are freaking me out so how about we'll go out (because everyone deserves a first date) and then I'll let you know.

We're going out tonight. We'll see how it goes.

Seriously, what is the deal? Do I just attract needy people or are all boys really needy?

Dear Santa

I need a desk.

Don't believe me? This is where I work on my computer right now.

My back hurts from sitting so long on the floor. Please save me from chronic back pain.

Love,

Ash J.

Guess What!

I have internet.

I know...you're jealous.

Ok, probably not but I'm pretty excited.

Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Normally I am very fond of anything you produce.

Today I am not. I hate you and I hate this blasted snow. It took me over an hour to travel 2 and a half miles today.

Now, I know that most of the hold up was not because of the snow that you so graciously dumped on us last night and into this morning. Most of the hold up was due to the fact that people are idiots and they drive like they don't know snow is slippery. Maybe we could work together to let people know that even if you have an SUV with 4 wheel drive and snow tires they still can't drive normal speeds on the freeway.

All I'm asking is that next time it snows, please make it be after morning rush hour and before evening rush hour. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Your Very Frustrated and Soggy Amiga,

Ash J.

Couples

I'm extremely annoyed by couples, especially all those couples that like to throw their lovey-dovey goo fest in everyone's face.

Top 10 things that annoy me about couples:

10: Matching outfits. Really? Is your life a girls'-choice high school dance? Were those sweaters buy one get one free?




9: Pet names. Ugh! Snookums was given a name for a reason and unless his parents were on crack when he was born, his name is not Snookums.

8: Conjoined couple names: This sort of goes along with the pet name deal but it's slightly different. If you're famous, sure; if you're my neighbor, don't even think about it. Maybe your argument is "It saves us time to introduce us as Bekert (Becky and Robert)." No it doesn't. Once you say "Hi, we're Bekert," people look at you like you're an alien so you have to take 5 minutes on how cute it is and how it shows that you are "so close" and "basically one person" and "your brains are about the size of one person so why not have one name...blah...We're cool."

7: This:

The option that this was even on the Internet makes me want to puke. First, how old are you? Second, that is a very private kiss happening in a VERY public place. Third, ewwwwwwww. No one wants to see that...ever. (As a side note...isn't the word snogging so much cooler than the American "making out"? I'm going to begin using it all the time.)


6: Couples (specifically the ladies) who give me the sad face because I'm single and then insist on setting me up with every lame, fat, or socially awkward really nice guy within a 100 mile radius: Really, I'm fine, but I do enjoy free dinner so keep setting me up with those winners, really, free dinner and maybe a movie. I don't care that the best thing he has going for him is that he's lame, fat, or socially awkward really nice as long as he buys me something nice.


5: "We"-ers: "Did you have fun at the party last night?" "Yep, we had a great time. We ate chicken fingers and cheese. Then we went home and we went to the bathroom. Our stomach gets grumbly if we eat dairy." What? You have one stomach between the two of you?



4: Feeding Each Other: This is never necessary unless you're dating a toddler and if that is the case, you are a creep.

3: Inside jokes: I'm sure it's funny to you and I know you're so in love and this just shows me how much more in love you are than I am (I get it. Zero is less than every positive number so any love is more than no love. You learn that in kindergarten. No need to rub it in my face.). Beside that fact, it's just annoying when I don't understand something that is super funny. So stop.

2: Matching Tatoos: Statistics show that if you do this, you will break up. I hear lazer tattoo removal is painful. Make sure you think this one through.

1: PDA. The fact that you are standing so close to each other in line you look like Siamese twins indicates that you are, in fact, a couple. There is no need for you to make tiger noises and scratch his belly. Nor is there any reason for you to grab her butt. And really, there are plenty of seats here. You can each have one.

So Pretty

At least until January 4th. Wahoo for being off track again!

Goal Accomplished

Well, I've made my goal...no swine flu this on track session.

Go me.

Way to wash my hands.

Stars

I read this on my friend Casey's blog. I thought it was great so I reposted it here.

Stars
by Freya Manfred

What matters most? It's a foolish question because I'm hanging on, just like you. No, I'm past hanging on. It's after midnight and I'm falling toward four a.m., the best time for ghosts, terror, and lost hopes.

No one says anything of significance to me. I don't care if the President's a two year old, and the Vice President's four. I don't care if you're cashing in your stocks or building homes for the homeless.

I was a caring person. I would make soup and grow you many flowers. I would enter your world, my hands open to catch your tears, my lips on your lips in case we both went deaf and blind.

But I don't care about your birthday, or Christmas, or lover's lane, or even you, not as much as I pretend. Ah, I was about to say,

"I don't care about the stars" -- but I had to stop my pen.
Sometimes, out in the silent black Wisconsin countryside
I glance up and see everything that's not on earth, glowing, pulsing, each star so close to the next and yet so far away.

Oh, the stars. In lines and curves, with fainter, more mysterious designs beyond, and again, beyond. The longer I look, the more I see, and the more I see, the deeper the universe grows.

I have a long way to go, and I'm starting now --
out in the silent black Wisconsin countryside.


"Stars" by Freya Manfred, from Swimming with a Hundred Year Old Snapping Turtle. © Red Dragonfly Press, 2008

December Videos

I haven't done this in so long but my sister showed me this guy and we watched every one of his videos (there are 49 of them). It was awesomely funny.