Make Out Hair

I curled my hair today.  It doesn't happen often so when I do curl it the students always react.  Most reactions sound something like this, "Oh, Mrs. H.  I like your hair."  "Mrs. H., your hair looks different today."  "What happened to your hair?" 

But the most classic 6th grader of 2011-2012 reaction was by A.M.  He said "Mrs. H.!  Your hair looks like you've been making out with your husband."

What?!  How do you react to that?  I decided on walking away.

President's Day

I know President's Day was over a month ago but I walk past a kindergarten Presidents Day bulletin board every day on the way to my classroom.  And everyday, I crack up when I read one certain student's writing.

The prompt: If I were president, I would...

That's right, Rule everybody!  

I can't wait for this future generation to be in charge.

Whining = No Privileges For You

I teach p.e. to two 6th grade classes once a week.  When it's cold outside, I have to be creative to get that many 6th graders in the gym.  Yesterday, I thought we'd play crab soccer with a giant ball. I think it's a fun game.  Apparently 6th graders don't.  They all grumbled and whined and complained.  I cancelled p.e. and had them write essays about why they should be respectful and thankful that they get two p.e.s a week while all other grades only get one.  Here are some of the gems I got:

"I'm sorry if we disrespected you.  To tell you the truth, I didn't want to play crab soccer at first, but then I wanted to.  Some people I talked to wanted to do it.  I'm really thankful though that we get all the fun things you provide for us."   ~TI

"I'm not very happy that some people were giving my teacher an attitude but I have to live with it."   ~NK

"We should be bowing to our teachers because they work their butts off to teach us and just hand us p.e."   ~CV

"Our teachers are really nice and kind to give us their extra time.  They could let us do art or something, but they think an extra p.e. would make US HAPPY.  That is what they think about."   ~CB

"We didn't have p.e. today cause we weren't thankful for what we have.  I guess you don't realize what you have until you've lost it.  Everyone said, "That game stinks!"  I realize now that we need to stop doing that cause it's rude and ignorant.  I am sorry!"   ~SL

"I don't like some of the games we play but I don't complain because I'm too busy being thankful."   ~JB

"I'm mad at everyone that had groaned.  It's not nice, what they did.  It's rude to you and to everyone who doesn't get to play now.  I think people are rude when they do that.  Now we can't play and it's unfair to everyone.  But, because we did that we shouldn't be able to go.  Your choice was fair and I'm ok with your decision."   ~KW

"All the other grades only get p.e. once a week so when we whine or complain we are basically saying we don't want or deserve to be there.  We need to appreciate what our teachers do for us and make them feel appreciated or maybe one day they will just stop."  ~FT 

I think they'll appreciate any activity we do in p.e. from now on...or at least for the next 3 weeks.

Funny Like a Bunny Dipped in Honey

After we corrected an assignment, I had a slight emergency and had to leave the classroom for a moment.

To keep the students from running amok, I told them to write a nice note to the person who's paper they corrected.  Most said things like, "You're nice."  "I like to play basketball with you."  Ya di da ya di da.

This was what I got from one student however:

Supervised

Like I mentioned here, we studied microorganisms in 6th grade for 3 weeks right before we went off track.  As a culminating project the students chose a virus or bacteria that causes disease in humans to study.  I gave them a list they could choose from but if there was another one they really wanted to research I told them I would let them.  Most kids went the easy way and chose one I suggested.

One girl didn't.  She chose AIDS.  And I let her.  She did a really good job and gave us the correct information without going into too much detail.  She did however say "AIDS is transmitted through sexual contact." (cue snorting and giggling from all 6th graders)  She then said something about if you have sexual contact with someone, it needs to be protected.   "Good point.  Way to go!  I hope I don't get phone calls from parents,"  I thought.  These two simple sentences launched a 20 minute discussion about AIDS.  It was pretty good and mostly PG.  CC, the girl who did this report kept reiterating her point of no sexual contact unless it's protected but at the very end instead of saying protected she said supervised.  It sounded something like this: "Remember if you have AIDS and you have sexual contact with someone, it should be supervised."

I think I laughed out loud then caught myself.  The pictures in my head were gross.  Eww.  Just eww.  But funny to hear coming out of a 12-year-old mouth.

Pretty but Not a Slut

My cohort student started today.  When she came in I was meeting with a small reading group.  They saw her and JB says,

"She's really pretty."

Me: "She is very pretty."

"She looks a lot like my cousin except without all the piercings...and she's (pointing to the cohort) not a slut like my cousin."

Me: "Oh.  Let's not use that word in school."

"Really though.  My cousin's a slut!  She's only 16 and she has a baby!"

Oh the joys of 6th graders with no filters.

What I Love...Day 29, 2011

I love...

funny students.

On Friday, we wrote love poems in honor of Valentine's Day.  Here is a poem entitled Loverman by JG.

L is for love, baby
O is for o yes I do

V is for loving everything virtually everything

E is for I love everything you do

R is for rate me from 1 to 10

M is for married, that's what I want

A is for are you single

N is for nobodys dating you?

6th Graders Say the Darndest Things

LKG is an ESL student from Venezuela.  He has been here since the beginning of the year but still lacks a lot of English vocabulary.  He is so stinking cute though.  Very charming and charismatic.  EVERYONE loves him.  He comes into my room for and hour of reading every day.  We read one-on-one for 15 minutes a day.  A few days before I went off track (to get married! Holler!) I was talking to LKG about going off track and getting married.  He didn't get it at first.  Here's our convo:

Ash J.: "We won't be reading together tomorrow because I go off-track tomorrow."
LKG: "What?! I like reading with you!"
Ash J.: "I know.  I like reading with you too.  But I need to go off-track so I can get married."
LKG: (Puzzled look)
Ash J.: "When I come back I'll be married.  No more Miss J.  I'll be Mrs. H."
LKG: "What?!" (Fake sobbing)
Ash J.: "I'll still be here.  You'll just call me Mrs. H. instead of Miss J."
LKG: "Oh!  Your boyfriend said '¿Quieres casarte conmigo?'"
(We look that up on a free translation sight)
Ash J.: "Yes, he said 'Will you marry me?'"
LKG: "That is so happy.  Good job, Miss J."
_________________________________________________
Same student...another day.  The kids had been having difficulty saying his name all day.  Finally, LKG comes to me and says:

"Miss J. (dramatic pause) My name is (another equally dramatic pause) Doug.  Call me Doug."


It was funny.  Really it was.
_________________________________________________

KC: "I don't know why but the boys on my bus treat me differently if I give them treats."

Ummm...I know why.  You're bribing them to be your friend.
_________________________________________________

We just finished the DARE program.  To graduate all students have to write an essay about what they learned or why DARE is important.

This is the end of one of the essays:

"But I think sometimes people should be allowed to drink because sometimes that might be the only happy they have that week."
_________________________________________________

Slow Motion Like Whoa!

As the day was ending, JR handed me this box of artificial rose petals

and said, "If you could get me a ladder and a fan for your wedding that would be great."

I laughed so hard.  It was just so funny to me.  Because I was laughing so hard he tried to explain how this was the greatest idea that ever happened.

"See if you bring me the fan and ladder I can set the fan up behind me and stand on the ladder and then you can walk into the reception all in slow motion and it will be like 'WHOOOOAAAAA!!!!'"

"I'll see what I can do, JR.  I'll see what I can do."

A Few Comments on Today

First:  You know it's been a while since you last wore make-up to work when a students says, "You look alive today."  but not in a nice way...in a 'you usually look dead' kind of way.  Ahh...the honestly of children.

Second:  Know what sucks?  Loosing your phone.  Big time.  For real.  I feel like I'm living in the Stone Age...aside from the part where I'm typing this on a computer and it's going to be sent out onto the Internet for anyone to see.  Like I said, Stone Age.

Third:  Awesome "naughty" shower hosted by Jenny and Meredith.  Good times, good times.  Unfortunately, there are no pictures...they're too racy for the Internet...I kid, I kid.  But really, guys.  For real...

Words That Make 6th Graders Giggle Uncontrollably

• Balls
• Organism
• Poop 
• Streptococcus
• Staphylococci

and that's just this week.

You're so Adultery

Scene: Some students from all the classes are in the room working on math.  Students are supposed to be working with their small group in their seats.  AV is up talking to a group that is not his.

Teacher: AV, go sit down.

(Class erupts into laughter.)

Teacher: I don't understand why that is so funny.

JM: It's just because you're a teacher and we're kids.

Teacher:  Oh, because I don't have a sense of humor?

GR: No!  It's just because you're all adult-ery and stuff.

JL: GR!  Do you even know what adultery means?!

GR: Yeah, it's like she's an adult and we're not.

Teacher: So, math...

And the Winner is...

Remember when I told you I was going to have my students help me pick things for my wedding?

Well, I finally let them...about 2 weeks ago.

Here are the winners:

Picture:

Invite:

Hair thing:

 I was very impressed with their choices.  They were all the ones I was leaning toward.

It's in My Butt!??

We have many students at our school who do not speak English as their first language.  Because of my wonderful ESL (English as a Second Language) endorsement, I get to help many of these kids and help my school meet all the criteria the government has set up to make sure these kiddos don't fall through the cracks.

One boy comes into my classroom for the guided reading hour every day because he is very new to the country and speaks very little English.

Today, the group he was with was reading a book about the human body.  We got to a page on cells and saw this picture:

This student asked "What's this?"

I tried to explain in the simplest terms I could what a cell is.  I said, "Cells are really small.  You can't see them with just your eyes, you need a microscope (and showed him a picture of a microscope).  They are all over your body."

Him: (Standing up quickly and examining his butt) "It's in my butt?!?!"

Me: "NO!  They're all over your body.  Everything on your body is made of cells."

The group and I laughed for a good five minutes.  I love this kid!

6th Grade No-No Words

We're studying microorganisms in 6th grade right now. 

Today, we watched a Bill Nye video on germs...I got the video from the district so they deemed it safe for 6th graders to watch.

At one point, Bill talks about HIV.  Then come the 90s teenagers talking about how they don't do unsafe things like "share needles or have unprotected sex."  Ugh.  I knew I'd have some issues.

As soon as the video ended

"She said a no-no word."

"What?"

"She said, 'I don't have...' a no-no word."

Sex is a no-no word?  Sure, I don't want to deal with it in the classroom because it's not my place but come on parents...twelve year olds thinking sex is a no-no word.  It's a no-no action for 6th graders but to not even think you can say sex when speaking of medical issues and microbes?  Come on!

Sex, sex, sex.

I'm Thankful for Funny Kids

My class has been writing something they're thankful for every morning for the past week on little paper leaves.  We then put these on our Thankful Tree.

I've been getting a lot of

"I'm thankful for my family." 

"I'm thankful for my friends." 

"electricity"

"warmth"

"love"

"food"

"clothing"

"books" etc.  

Today, I got this gem.

"I'm thankful that Sarah Palin isn't in the presedential office right now."

Gotta love those politically opinionated 6th graders.

Three Cheers for Maiden Names

I went back on track today.  

I told my class that I got engaged while off track.

They clapped and cheered.

Then told me I had to keep my maiden name because it's cooler.  

Hmmmm...

Omgg Mizz J.!!!!!

Today, I posted all the pictures on Facebook, changed my status. . .you know, all the things you're supposed to do when you get engaged.

A few hours later I get this text from a student I had last year:

*Omgg mizz. J!!!!!:):)
UR GETTING MARRIED?!?:):):):)
Whaa?! When did thiz happen?!?!?:)
omgg sorry buhh I juss saw the pictures on facebook and kind of FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!:):)
Gosh.  I'm sooo happy!
You guys look soo amazing together !!!:)
UU two are ganna b together forevva...<##
hehe lol. :D
He's soo lucky to have uu cuzz ur frinkin wonderful!!!:)
once again. I'm soooo happy!!!!!!:):):)
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BOTH OF UU!!!!!:)
<3/
F. :):)

p.s. i juss had tah tell uu that as soon as possible an facebook waz juss ot ganna cut it ;)
CONGRATS!!!!!:):)


I love this kid.  She's a riot.

*This is exactly how the text came in.  I promise I did teach her how to spell and write in formal English.  I'm not a bad teacher.

Mr. Sketch and Fuji Apples Have a Baby

They smelled like the grape Mr. Sketch scented marker.

Oh, I loved those!  Second grade me coveted them and any classmate who had them automatically became my bff for life!

They looked like plain old apples.

They made my students salivate at the sight.  They caused uproarious conversations.  Students wanted to look and touch and smell before we were ready for snack.

"They smell like grape Tylenol."  "How do they make these?"  "How do you get a grape inside an apple?"  "They smell like 1st grade!"

But they just tasted like apples and smelled like Mr. Sketch's grape friend...I was disappointed.

Snack Time!

My school began getting healthy snacks twice a week. 

Our first snack was today.  It was carrots that are not orange (What?!  I know...who knew?  Actually I did but I'm not fancy enough or pretentious enough to actually buy them.) ...I'm sure there is some sort of fancy name for them but I don't know what it is and I'm too lazy to Google it.  Feel free to inform me if you know.  I'm going to call them heirloom carrots.  Any time you get a crazy looking vegetable, someone tells you "Oh, these are heirloom (insert random vegetables here)."  And then you feel fancy eating them.

Aren't they pretty?

My students weren't too impressed.  "These taste like normal carrots!"  "I don't think it's healthy to put all that food dye in carrots." "I wish we had ranch!"  "These smell like my turtle's food."  "Do I have to try these?"  I thought they were cool and I was excited to eat a carrot during math.  I had a white one and orange/red one...they did taste like normal carrots.

I'm stoked for tomorrow...grapples!