Teacher Appreciation Treats & a Dodge Ball to the Face

Last week was teacher appreciation.  My kids like to feed me.  On the list of teacher appreciation gifts: Many bottles of Coke, chocolate...lots of chocolate and a fresh pineapple (which was delicious).

Today I received another gift from a very sweet girl.

More Coke and chocolate...my favorite!

Not an hour after she gave me this gift, she threw a dodge ball at my face.  I couldn't see for a while.  I wanted to cry (but I held it in...that's a pretty good accomplishment for a pregnant lady).

I'm thinking of wearing a patch to school on Tuesday and telling them the doctor doesn't know if my eye is going to live...just to torment her a little.  Husband says my idea is mean but funny.  We'll see if I really go through with it.

Sissy Pants Meets the Castle

It's been said that I'm a huge sissy (see #2).  For real.  If there is a chance that I will wet my pants from fear/break a bone/die/receive a head injury/need stitches/etc., I just don't do it.

Haunted houses fit into the "I'm not going because I'm a huge sissy" genre.  Earlier in my life, they were avoided for the "wet my pants from fear" category but after tonight, they go in the "head injury" category.

Husband, Jaynee, Ryan, Brandon (aka Bear Grylls, aka Brandon Full Bodied), Heidi and I went to Castle of Chaos.

As we stood in line, I was freaking my freak.  I was nauseous, sweaty, and super anxious.  Let's just say I AM NOT A FAN.

We finally got in and I was still unsure about going in.  I contemplated feigning illness and waiting in the car or pushing my husband and 4 other friends out of the way to run and hide in the PetSmart.  None of these things happened.  I went in.

The waiting was the worst part.  I was freaking myself out because I was just imagining all the people that could jump out from behind corners.  It was not fun.

It's much easier to not be scared when you have a husband to walk in front of you and hold your hand.  I made it through easily with only a minor head injury...yes, one of the characters hit me in the head with a blunt axe.  True story.  Ask Ryan, he was right behind me.

As we were leaving we noticed the chain saw guy.  What do we decide?  Slow clap.  Slow clap the chain saw guy.  Epic decision.  I advise everyone do it.

I'm pretty sure it made our day and chain saw guy's day.  He probably went home and told his wife about the epic kids who slow clapped him.

Slow claps...always a win.

There's a Lump in My Throat

Have you ever had one of those days were you realize that everything you're doing is wrong?

I had one today. I try my hardest to do everything to help everyone and I put every ounce of my being into what I do but was informed today that it's not good enough. I need to do more.

I'm at a loss. I don't know how I can put more into what I'm already doing. There is nothing left to give.

I just need a break. I need to rethink everything. I really just need to cry for about a day...and a half.

The Joys of Being a Woman

Ok, I'm going to get a bit personal.

Anyone that is grossed out by a girls time of the month, stop reading now. Go make a sandwich and have a nice day.

Those of you that stayed with me, welcome.

Here's the deal. The medication I'm taking to get rid of Sherman (if you don't remember Sherman, read this post) makes it so I can't take any pain relieving medication. This is a big problem during this time. So I asked my doctor what I can take and she said I could take something called Fem Caps (which she doesn't know where to find and I haven't been able to find yet) or Percocet.

So today, after some agonizing pain, I decided to take 1 Percocet. Bad idea. I was feeling good but I also was kinda, no really, insane. So I guess the moral of this story is I would not make a good druggie.

If you know where to get Fem Caps, let me know. I'm never taking Percocet again.

Worst Day, EVER!

Today didn't start off bad. But it quickly got there.

I had a sub today because my school offered a math endorsement class. I got to school at about 6:45 because I was a slacker and didn't prepare anything last night. My sub arrived at 7:15. What? School starts at 8:25. Weirdo! So I just explained everything to him but also gave him explicit, written instructions on how my class runs. After speaking with him for that 10 minutes, I knew my class was going to eat him alive or leave him looking like this guy:


But I went to my class anyway.

We got through about an hour and a half of the class when my principal was called down to the office to take care of a problem. Little did I know the problem was my class.

I need to give some background knowledge for my class. For birthdays I give students a candy bar, a pencil, and a card from the class. I spent my own money on all of these things and each student will get their present when it's their birthday. All they need to do is wait. Fair enough.

So back to today. I gave the sub a movie to put in that I thought was pretty cool. It was about Mars and space travel. My students didn't think it was and my sub had no control over them at all so they were crazy. At some point during the movie a large group of them decided they were going to find the candy bars and take them. They proceeded to look through each filing cabinet drawer until they found them (where the heck was the sub? Kids in filing cabinets behind teacher desks screams, "NOT ALLOWED!" to me but what do I know?). They then passed them out to the kids who wanted one. Many kids put them back but a group of 9 decided to just eat them.

I don't care about the candy. It's not like it was that expensive. What I care about is that they would have the audacity to go through my things and steal from me. They didn't even really steal from me, technically they stole from themselves and their classmates.

What I really care about is that I can't trust them. I can't leave my things alone in the room without thinking, "Is someone going through my things? Are they going to steal bigger things?" It's a trust issue and now they've broken it. And they broke my heart. I thought we had a good rapport going. We've only known each other for 6 weeks but I care about these kids so much already and to have a large group of them disrespect me, the classroom, their classmates, and the sub really upset me.

My principal told me about it during our first break (about 10:45) and I got really emotional. I cried and was just so upset. I couldn't concentrate in the class (seriously, ask me what we did. I don't know.) and I was on the verge of tears.

I came back to my room after school and read the letters my principal made them write to me. Most were really apologetic and most students fessed up but I know that at least 2 said they were perfect even though I have notes from the sub and other students saying they weren't. I think that upsets me even more. Admit your misbehavior, we'll work through it and get over it. But knowing these 2 stole then lied about it makes me so angry. UGH.

So I sat at school for 3 hours crying and trying to figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow. I still don't know. Hopefully I'll get some divine inspiration tonight but I think I'll look something like this:

Emergency Room

I was so ready for Sunday last night. I was excited to go to church, to finish up school stuff, to enjoy a weekend off...None of that happened.


I woke up on Sunday unable to walk. My left leg was killing me. My leg had been hurting for the past week but I ignored it because that's what I do. It felt like a bad pulled muscle so I figured it would get better in time and I'd be fine. The whole not being able to walk thing made me think otherwise.


A bit reluctantly took a trip to the emergency room. It was 9am when I arrived. 20 minutes later I was checked in and sitting in on the squeakiest hospital bed in history while wearing a hospital gown (woot for firsts!).

Finally at about 9:45 the doctor came in (who was super hot, good thing I didn't get ready before I came in). He poked my leg with his finger and made me cry. Then I was told I needed a ultrasound on my leg just to make sure it wasn't anything serious, he thought it was just a strained muscle. Oh, silly doctor. Just learn to listen to my opinion regarding my body and you'll always be right. It wasn't a strained muscle. I was officially admitted to the hospital at 10:22 am. I had a bracelet and a hospital gown so I could show everyone my bum and severe leg pain with ease. I had made it to the top of the ER patient hierarchy.

This is about the time my mom showed up. We sat and watched reruns of America's Best Dance Crew, some show about making over your basement and many, many commercials. Finally Dr. Tom (yes, that's how he introduced himself. Not Dr. Baker, Dr. Tom) came in to let me know we were waiting for the Radiologist on call to get there. Thanks for the heads up, Dr. Tom, I've only been sitting here taking pictures of my feet for an hour. Good thing you're so cute.

Radiologist shows up. She goobers my leg with the ultrasound jelly, it's surprisingly warm. I am happy, until she starts. Holy torture of all medical torture. Not that it hurt when she started at my hip but it tickled so bad and I didn't want to laugh and look like an idiot so I was biting my lip, thinking of sad things, pinching myself...anything to not laugh in the middle of an ultrasound. Then she gets to my calf and the real torture begins. I have never wanted to punch someone in the face as much as I wanted to punch this lovely at that moment. Let me give you a pain scale. 1 is swinging in a hammock, drinking lemonade while on vacation in Jamaica. 5 is getting punched in the face by a dying teacher. 10 is getting punched in the face while giving birth to a 16 pound baby without an epidural. This pain was about an 8 which translates to a Radiologist giving your blood clotted calf a shiatsu massage.

That's right, she found a blood clot, just like I thought. Maybe I should be a doctor on weekends. So I was put on blood thinners and sent on my way. Hallelujah I didn't have to stay at the hospital! My mom was convinced I'd have to. So inbetween taking pictures of my feet and watching America's Best Dance Crew, I was plotting an elaborate escape plan so I could go to school on Monday (sub plans are more difficult than just teaching through the pain!)

Saturdays

You know what I love? Naps, gummy candy and rainy days. All of which happened today. It was a blissful Saturday. My life is nice and peaceful right now and I'm thoroughly enjoying it!

I work on Saturdays at The Children's Center at the group home. I love my job and I think I do really important work but it also frustrates me. Not because of any of the drama that inevitably happens there but because of the biological parents of the kids who live there. It makes me so ornery that people who are obviously horrible parents can bred like rabbits while people who want children desperately and will be fabulous parents can't have kids and have to go through the difficulty of adoption or other means to have children. It's just something that has always really bothered me and today was a day that I really felt the turmoil and devastation bad choices by a parent have on their children. If only their parents had been 'good' parents and had cared for them from the start, they would be happy healthy kids.

We get "volunteers" or "trainees" who come to the center and play with kids. In reality, these are potential adoptive parents who need to see what they are really getting themselves into. We are not allowed to tell the kids who these people really are because that would get their hopes up. But we have really smart kids who have seen "volunteers" take kids home with them. These kids are not idiots. They know what's going on but we still have to keep up the appearance.

We had some new "trainees" today. A little boy who has been at the center for quite a while was assigned as their "trainer." He is supposed to teach this couple how to play with kids (Gag me!). However inappropriate I think it is, that is how things are done now. Back to the play by play. He became so anxious and upset while his trainees were at the center, he could not hold it together. This is why:

When he first came to live at The Children's Center, he was a happy boy but because of the difficulties in his life, he has become an anxious, angry, volatile child. He has been abandoned, rejected and 'given back' too many times to count which has in turn caused him to put up a wall to any family who consider bringing him into their family. I don't have a Masters in Social Work, but it seems to me that he does this so that he can't be hurt again. If he never lets anyone in, he won't have to deal with the hurt and loss that comes when they decide they can't handle him and never return. Then he is told that "their car broke down" or "they are really sick." Doesn't this also set him up for failure? Isn't he going to imagine them fixing their car or going to the doctor and getting better and then finally coming back? He wants a family desperately and asks adults at the center constantly why we can't take him home. When other children begin to get visits and soon leave the center to live with their new family, he asks when it's his turn, when will he finally get to have a "forever family?" He recently said he wanted to cut of his head and come back as a baby because "babies get a lot of attention." When adults talked to him about what babies can't do, he rescinded his comment and said he wanted to come back as a mouse or something small so he could "take care of himself."

It breaks my heart to see him in so much pain and to also know that he is causing most of his pain. If he could only take down that wall and trust a family. He is a loving child, it just takes him a lot of time. He has said to a few staff members that he trusts "I love you to the moon and back." He just needs to be given a chance. He needs patience. He needs love. If I had the resources, I would take him home in a heartbeat because I have the training and patience to put up with him and I know that in time he would be a happy, healthy kid.

Gosh! This post started on such a happy note. I'm sorry it was such a downer today but it's something I've been thinking a lot about today and needed to get it off my chest.


"Just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
~ Elie Wiesel