Goodbye Old Friend

Today was my last day at The Children's Center.

It was a bittersweet ending. I have loved this job but some things went on that made it difficult to work with one person in particular.

I did get to work with my good friend Karla and she made it such a nice night.

My little buddy asked me why I have to go. It broke my heart.

It is nice to know that I have the weekends (and every other day of the week) free until I begin teaching but I will miss seeing these kiddos every Saturday.

I wish them and the center all the luck in the future and I can only hope that I did my part to help them.

End of an Era

I don't know how I let myself do this but I'm reading 3 novels at once. ugh. What was I thinking? I'm going to try to finish one tonight and finally post about it tomorrow. The other two may take a bit longer because I'm not really into them yet.

I worked at The Children's Center today. I also gave my two weeks notice. The group home isn't shutting down until July 31 but I just felt like I needed to get out now and concentrate on me. That sounds selfish but I've spent the past 5 years worrying and losing sleep over the issues that these little guys face on a daily basis. I need to spend the summer doing what I want and need to be doing. I need to prepare for the new school year. I need to just have time. I miss my family, I miss my friends.

Let's make something clear. Even though I have complained about the center many times and I think some policies there are ridiculous, I love love love what I do at the center. I love the kiddos and think we do very impressive work. I'm going to miss the kids so much and it makes me sad to think that I won't get to see any of their last days. There is one boy in particular that I want to see leave and go to a loving family. He's the boy I talked about in this post. I'm happy to say the "trainees" are doing very well and it seems like the placement will move forward. I hope it does. I really like this family and my little buddy is growing really attached to them (which is super difficult for him). Because he has such difficulties, he will be the last one out of the group home.

The center will always have a special place in my heart. I will always remember the things I learned there, the wonderful people I met, and the differences I made in the lives of children.

The 3 Rs: Recycling, Recap, and Rethinking

Ok, the 45 books in how ever many days I have now is falling flat. I've been reading the same book for over a week now and though it is really good, I just don't have the time to sit and read it. I just feel like I have so many other things that NEED to get done right now that I haven't given myself the time to really read it. I am going to keep trying but I don't know if I can get through 30 books in less than 30 days.

Let's recap what's been going on since last time I wrote about what was going on...

Thursday: Though I blogged this day, I don't think I mentioned going to my school to meet my team. I was a bit overwhelmed but confident that with the help of my team I can do a fantastic job. It sounds like I may be doing student council along with my mentor teacher which will be super fun considering the fact I was not into student council as a student.

Friday: This was my last Children's Literature class. It went well. I think (and hope) I got an A but I'll find out soon enough. After class, I went to a Bee's game which went to 11 innings (that's 2 extra innings for those of you who don't follow baseball). It was a long night and I had to leave for work at 7:40 the next morning.

Saturday: Work. It was ok but I have to tell a story about a little boy at the group home. It's going to be long but it's so good. Here goes:

I arrive at work one Saturday morning to learn that all the children are COVERED in mosquito bites. One boy in particular seems to be very allergic to the bites and his arm is swelling.

Before I go any further, you have to know that this little boy in particular looks like a mini version of Conan O'Brien. Honestly, take Conan, shrink him down to 6-year-old size, give him a slight lisp, and take away the swoopy hair and you have this little boy. It's fantastic!

Anyway, I end up taking him to the doctor to get his arm checked because it is so swollen and he's saying he's having a difficult time breathing. We get there,the doctor checks him out and says that his arm is really infected so he'll need to give him a strong antibiotic and a S-H-O-T.

Ok, I think. Do I tell him and prepare him for the shot or do I let the nurse ambush him? I decide, in my infinite child development wisdom, to tell him. This launches him into hysterics. He's screaming "I don't want a shot!" "Let's just leave!" etc. I calm him down and tell him how it's not going to be that bad and we need to help his infection get better.

He finally calms down when the doctor opens the door which launches him back into hysterics. "I don't want a shot!" Doctor: "This is just a prescription." Boy pants and seems to not trust doctor. I again take about 10 minutes to calm him down.

We sit and wait in the room for about another 20 minutes (40 minutes total after I had told him he was going to get a shot). Finally, two nurses came in (they must have heard him screaming and knew I'd need reinforcements). One is telling me to put him on the table and the other is trying to hide the 2--not one, but 2-- needles. At this point he is screaming "You're a bad doctor! I don't want a shot!" over and over again.

You need to know another side note. The kids I work with get violent at times. Some are very strong and hard to hold, especially when frightened or angry. This little boy is not one of those ridiculously strong kids.

Back to the story...I put him up on the table to which he responds by trying to push himself off the table. He's pushing so hard that I can't get his arms to move. Finally my brute strength wins out and I get his arms above his head. He's still quite wiggly so I tell the nurses that I'm just going to straddle him (I know, sounds weird but it worked). One nurse holds his legs while the other prepares his legs. As she is cleaning he begins saying "That's it?" in an amazed voice. In order to calm him more I say "Yep, that's it. Wasn't so bad was it?" Then they stick him. His face was priceless and if you want me to recreate it for you I will.

The nurses leave but tell us we have to stay for about 10 more minutes to make sure there is no reaction. As I'm rubbing his legs (as instructed by the nurse) he keeps saying "Ashley, I think they got the bone." I try to tell him that they give shots in your thigh so they don't hit bone but he doesn't believe me and keeps repeating it.

It was hard to see him go through that but he just said such funny things that I had to laugh a bit and share it. I am happy to report that his arm is no longer swollen and he is doing much better.

Sunday: I went to church and had a pretty lazy day.

Monday: I started my second MEd class today. The class is called Writing in the Classroom and so far so good. I really enjoyed the first day and felt like I was able to participate fully but I also learned a lot. I can't wait to see what the rest of the month brings!

That brings us to today...

I never realized how much classroom crap I had been accumulating since I've been in the education program. Holy cow! I've been trying to organize and get rid of what I don't need but it's really hard. I have a job in 6th grade but I'm not sure if I'll love it and want to stay in that grade forever so I'm having a difficult time getting rid of stuff that is neat but not for 6th graders because I might need it one day.

In the midst of cleaning and organizing, I had to go to staff meeting for The Children's Center. We did our normal talk about the kids stuff then the bad news. The group home is going to be shut down on July 31 because "the department wants to spend more money and preventative care." I don't know if I buy it but I don't want to incriminate myself so I'll say no more on that subject. I'm sad to see it go and sad that I won't have an extra paycheck but I'm more sad for all the people who have put so much time and energy into it and have nothing else to turn to. Hopefully it will all turn out for the best.

Book #15 Judy Moody Save the World by Megan McDonald

This book is about Judy Moody and obviously her quest to save the world. It's basically a -didactic-bash-you-over-the-head-with-how-great-recycling-is book. The characters were simplified, characterizations that you'd expect from a book like this...dads are stupid, boys are feeble minded, and girls are strong and scientific. This book was written quite recently but I had to keep checking the copyright date to see if I had missed something. The language the characters use just seems very outdated. Judy says, "Rare!" whenever anything is cool. Is the author trying to start a new fad? I don't know but what I do know is that is annoyed me, A LOT!

ACK! I missed 3 whole days!

Ok. I wanted to try to write on here everyday but then a crazy busy weekend with a holiday got in the way. What to do? RECAP, that's what.

Friday: Uhhh. I just realized I barely remember what I did yesterday and I'm supposed to remember Friday. This is exactly why I should do this daily. I think I have early onset Alzheimer's. Think...Think...Think I'll get back to you.

Saturday: I worked at The Children's Center and the little one I mentioned last Saturday had another training session, this one off site. Just him and his trainees. It went much better but he was still very anxious ("My stomach hurts!"... all freaking day!). But it did go well. Cross your fingers that he'll be out of TCC soon and be in a loving family. BTW, I love this family. I hope and pray that it works out. It was also my good friend Katie's last day. Saturdays will never be the same. No more Lego jails, polygamist compounds, white trash meth houses or temples of light. I'll miss you, Katie!

Sunday: Happy Mother's Day. My ingenious Mother's Day idea did not happen. Tampons are expensive and I'm not going to waste them on making ugly flowers. We went to brunch with my grandparents, sisters and parents at Little America...one and a half hours later we got in. The food was good but the company was better. It was a nice relaxing day!

This is us walking to Little America. I should have known it was a bad sign when we had to park 2 blocks away.

Does anyone else think the signage is a bit ghetto?

Waiting for Mike to park the car (as a side note, we probably should have gotten in line instead of waiting).

I'm glad I didn't have to pay! Thanks, Mike!

Grandma and Courtney waiting...

Devin waiting and contemplating putting that chandelier in her room...

Mom waiting and hanging out with a moose...

Taking pictures of huge flower arrangements and WAITING...

Grandma, Courtney and I trying to not think about how hungry we are and waiting...

Woot! We finally got in. Omelet bar anyone?

Friday: I finally remembered. I went to a book sale with Katie and Karla then we had lunch at Amour, a cute little Indian restaurant in Draper. At 6, I went on a blind date with Karla's friend. Let's call him B. My date with B was ok but it's not leading to marriage or even a second date. Some would say give it another chance. First dates, especially blind dates are always difficult. But I just wasn't that into him. The end.

Monday: Today I subbed in a first grade class in Cottonwood Heights. It was fun and pretty easy. I'm getting pretty good at this teaching thing, if I do say so myself. At 5:30 I also start my MED program. We'll see how it goes. I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I hope it goes well but I'm a bit nervous. Wish me luck!

Saturdays

You know what I love? Naps, gummy candy and rainy days. All of which happened today. It was a blissful Saturday. My life is nice and peaceful right now and I'm thoroughly enjoying it!

I work on Saturdays at The Children's Center at the group home. I love my job and I think I do really important work but it also frustrates me. Not because of any of the drama that inevitably happens there but because of the biological parents of the kids who live there. It makes me so ornery that people who are obviously horrible parents can bred like rabbits while people who want children desperately and will be fabulous parents can't have kids and have to go through the difficulty of adoption or other means to have children. It's just something that has always really bothered me and today was a day that I really felt the turmoil and devastation bad choices by a parent have on their children. If only their parents had been 'good' parents and had cared for them from the start, they would be happy healthy kids.

We get "volunteers" or "trainees" who come to the center and play with kids. In reality, these are potential adoptive parents who need to see what they are really getting themselves into. We are not allowed to tell the kids who these people really are because that would get their hopes up. But we have really smart kids who have seen "volunteers" take kids home with them. These kids are not idiots. They know what's going on but we still have to keep up the appearance.

We had some new "trainees" today. A little boy who has been at the center for quite a while was assigned as their "trainer." He is supposed to teach this couple how to play with kids (Gag me!). However inappropriate I think it is, that is how things are done now. Back to the play by play. He became so anxious and upset while his trainees were at the center, he could not hold it together. This is why:

When he first came to live at The Children's Center, he was a happy boy but because of the difficulties in his life, he has become an anxious, angry, volatile child. He has been abandoned, rejected and 'given back' too many times to count which has in turn caused him to put up a wall to any family who consider bringing him into their family. I don't have a Masters in Social Work, but it seems to me that he does this so that he can't be hurt again. If he never lets anyone in, he won't have to deal with the hurt and loss that comes when they decide they can't handle him and never return. Then he is told that "their car broke down" or "they are really sick." Doesn't this also set him up for failure? Isn't he going to imagine them fixing their car or going to the doctor and getting better and then finally coming back? He wants a family desperately and asks adults at the center constantly why we can't take him home. When other children begin to get visits and soon leave the center to live with their new family, he asks when it's his turn, when will he finally get to have a "forever family?" He recently said he wanted to cut of his head and come back as a baby because "babies get a lot of attention." When adults talked to him about what babies can't do, he rescinded his comment and said he wanted to come back as a mouse or something small so he could "take care of himself."

It breaks my heart to see him in so much pain and to also know that he is causing most of his pain. If he could only take down that wall and trust a family. He is a loving child, it just takes him a lot of time. He has said to a few staff members that he trusts "I love you to the moon and back." He just needs to be given a chance. He needs patience. He needs love. If I had the resources, I would take him home in a heartbeat because I have the training and patience to put up with him and I know that in time he would be a happy, healthy kid.

Gosh! This post started on such a happy note. I'm sorry it was such a downer today but it's something I've been thinking a lot about today and needed to get it off my chest.


"Just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
~ Elie Wiesel