Number 2

I told you about my students writing goals here and about how one of my students wanted to "be more awesome" and "find a girlfriend."

What I forgot to mention was that the next day he said, "Hey Miss J. My number 2 is coming along pretty good." Because I was teaching and it was a crazy time, I had no idea what he was talking about and immediately thought he was talking about poop...mostly because he's a sixth grade boy and why else would you say "number 2" if not referring to that "number 2." Because I didn't think he need to tell me about how great his number 2s are, I questioned him a bit more. He said, "Remember yesterday? My number 2...the letter?" Cue light bulbs. Oh. The girlfriend. "That's nice K. but I still don't think it's a great goal for you."

So, being the sarcastic, always-give-you-a-hard-time-but-in-a-loving-way teacher that I am, I ask him about the goal every once in a while by saying something like, "How's your number 2 coming?" And I always do so when he's with girls because it's just too easy. He usually says something like, "Oh, pretty well."

Today was different...today when asked, he said,

"I finished that goal yesterday."

"Someone at this school?"

"No. She's a year older."

"Oh, K. Good luck."

Things That Annoy Me--January 2010

1. Inversion

2. People that constantly update their Facebook status. I don't care that you're eating a sandwich or that you are visiting a friend or that you're standing in line or that you just woke up or that you're going to the bathroom or anything else stupid and superficial. Just stop and think, "If I said this out loud would I sound like a tool?" If the answer is yes, don't say it. Get a blog and write about it instead. Always add pictures.

3. Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z. It's not so much the song as it is the fact that I can guarantee it is on the radio RIGHT NOW. Really. Go check. I'll wait.

4. Students who know from personal experience what it's liked to be bullied but bully others despite that fact.

5. Inside recess days. They are slowly going to kill me.

6. All these "don't tell any men" emails I keep getting on Facebook.

7. Not getting the email and wondering why people are karate chopping bananas and dancing with pickles.

8. Couples who have joint email and Facebook accounts. Maybe I want to tell you about something that happened to me but I don't feel comfortable also telling your husband. Now I guess you'll never know, Mrs. We-Have-A-Joint-Account-Because-We-Love-Each-Other-So-Much.

9. Whoever it is that insists on running up and down the staircase in my complex during all hours of the night. This person must be 500 pounds but very quick. And I think he/she runs up the stairs while wearing roller blades. I hate you, you ridiculously fast and fat roller blade wearing person!

10. People who have blogs but never update. I'm sorry you have kids and that you are a good mom but I need to hear about your adventures...geesh. (pretend that's in sarcastic font...really it's happening.)





...I was right about the song, wasn't I?

Laffy Taffy Churchy

I spoke in church today.

Wow. It's always unnerving but I got through it and it went really well.

I wanted to open my talk with a great story or a funny story or a joke of some kind. Nothing came to my head so I finally decided I'd start the talk with a joke from a Laffy Taffy.

Here's the joke I told to open it up (I said it was appropriate because we are in a singles ward.): "What did the girl ocean say to the boy ocean when he asked her on a date? Shore." Ha. It got way more laughter than it deserved but it made me happy.

As I was speaking my friend Claire sent me this text: "You've got them eating out of your hand. Reel them in. P.S. you look pretty. The end." Awww. How nice. By the way, I did not open the text until after church, if you were judging me.

Why I Never Get Anything Productive Done

I procrastinate...


and take pictures of myself in my Snuggie.

Would You Like a Kit-Kat With That?

Do you know what is so amazing in the moment and so very bad hours later?




Eating candy for lunch...that's what.


Eating candy for lunch = huge high followed by huge crash.

Note to self: Do not eat candy for lunch ever again.

Personal Goals...Really? That's What You're Working On?

I finally got around to getting my students to write down some goals. I wanted them to write 2 personal goals, 2 friend and/or school goals, and 2 family goals.

(Let me remind you that I work with 11 and 12 year olds.)

These are the personal goals I got from one boy in my class:

1. Be more awesome

2. Find a girlfriend

I said, "K. you don't need a girlfriend, girls are annoying."

K.: "No they're...WAIT! You're a girl!"

Me: "I know and I'll say it again. Girls are annoying."

K.: "Miss J, girls are not annoying. And I need a girlfriend."

Me: "Let's make a deal. You can have a girlfriend when you're in 11th grade."

K.: "Ugh. Miss J, can I just go to the mall and find one?"

Me: "No. Go do your math."


Why do 11-year-old students think they need girlfriends/boyfriends. Ewwww...have you smelled each other lately? Have you noticed how your bodies are going crazy and you can't control yourself? Why in the world would you want to hold hands and...ack, do I dare...possibly kiss?

Saying that just made me vomit in my mouth a little bit.

If you are less than 16 and reading this post remember this and thank me later...

YOU DO NOT NEED A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. Concentrate on something productive like doing your homework and playing sports.


P.S. This is post number 200. Woot! My bloggy baby is growing up.

Into The Swing of Things

I've finally got my teaching legs back.

Geez-o Peez-o. That first week was rough. Who would have thought that a full month off school (Yep. You read that right. One. Whole. Month.) would turn my little darlings brains to mush? Oh, wait...everyone thought that.

On top of the fact that not one student remembered how to do school, I was observed and evaluated by my principal twice already. As unready as I felt for these, it means I'm done for the year so I'm okay with that. My principal did say she likes to get these "out of the way for teachers she doesn't have any worries about."

Awwww...that makes me feel good. So even though I see my class as being a wreck no one else does.

Reality TV Teaches You So Much

I'm obsessed with trashy reality TV...primarily The Jersey Shore and The Real World.

I try to keep that under wraps but decided that you should all know this dirty little secret about me.

I know you're all judging me because these shows are horrendous but these shows don't deserve the bad wrap they get. I have learned so much already by watching these two diamonds.

1. You can't be a racist and like basketball.

2. How to fist pump like a pro.

3. How to take a punch like a woman.

4. Having an obsessive compulsion to lie about anything and everything is a good way to make friends.

5. When you disagree with someone but don't really have relevant points, just yell the same thing over and over again.

My point to this post is not the fact that I watch ridiculous amazingly stimulating television. The point is that on The Real World this season they have a piece of art made from pennies. I can't find a picture of it on the internet but believe me it's awesome. Imagine this:
in the shape of something and hanging on a wall. It's awesome and I want one. MTV, if you're reading this, feel free to send the art to me when the season is over. Thanks so much.

You're Making Us Sick

Dear Inversion,

Everyone hates you. Go away. We miss breathing easily and seeing the mountains. Please get out of here and never come back.

Your cooperation is appreciated.

Sincerely,

Everyone in Utah

Gibberish

I love stumbleupon.com. It introduced me to this video of an Italian actor, Adriano Celantano, performing a rock song intended to sound like English.

Zlata'a Diary

I know...you had to do a complete double take but it's true...I've finally finished another book.

Book #42: Zlata's Diary by Zlata Filipovic

From September 1991 to October 1993 Zlata Filipovic kept a diary. It began like any other 11-year-old's diary would; talk of friends, MTV, school, and piano lessons. She soon begins writing of the war that is ravaging her country. She writes of severe shortages of food, water, and gas; the end of her privilege childhood in Sarajevo. She gives vivid descriptions of how war ravages a country and affects the people.

I read this with one of my reading groups and I couldn't believe that an 11-year-old girl (a 6th grader) could write such profound things. Though she has been described as a modern Anne Frank, I don't think her diary carries as much weight as Anne Frank's does.

"The forces of war don't know anything about love and the desire to save something. They just know how to destroy, burn, take things away" (p. 53)

Best Christmas Eve...EVER

I know...I know...it's a bit late but whatever.

Now I know after you got over the fact that I'm talking about Christmas Eve almost two weeks later, you said, "Why was it so great, Ash?"

I say, this is why:We got Snuggies!

It's a blanket with sleeves!



Not only can you stay totally warm and still use your arms so you can work the remote, read a book, enjoy a snack, use your laptop, knit, drink tea, snuggle your baby in your arms, keep your pet close at hand or roast marshmallows; you can also:

Answer the door while staying warm,


Punch your brother while staying warm*,


Use the toilet while staying warm,


Put on shoes while staying warm,


Read stimulating literature while staying warm,


Vote while staying warm,

Wrap presents and be hugged while staying warm,



Make an honest living while staying warm,

Mop while staying warm,


Take next year's Christmas card photo while staying warm,


Be put in a head lock while staying warm,


Play games while staying warm,


Drive while staying warm,


Cuddle with your significant other sister while staying warm,


Hide children while staying warm,


Carry things while staying warm,


And be attacked by a jeans wearing bear while staying warm.

*No actual brothers were injured in the making of this Snuggie photo shoot.

Things I Learned While Off Track

1. Cutting is a very soothing thing for me...Thanks Balanced Literacy class for teaching me that if ever I can't sleep I will just cut things out until I drift into a blissful slumber.

2. I hate needy boys...Geez! Grow a pair would you?

3. There needs to be an Internet course for how to drive on snowy days. Yes, I'm talking you little Miss I-Have-A-Huge-SUV-So-Obviously-I-Can-Still-Drive-At-Freeway-Speeds-In-A-Blizzard.

4. While we're on Internet courses, there should also be a class for awkward LDS guys. There are two extremes when it comes to these men boys--weeny and jerk-face. Since I am now 9 credit hours smarter (thanks MEd.!), I'd be happy to teach it. All I need is a tweed blazer with patches on the elbows.

5. Every time I make dinner for myself, someone else invites me to dinner. Because I love people inviting me to dinner (and paying), I will now make dinner but wait a few minutes before I eat.

6. When I was little I was always overjoyed by the fact that it snowed and my parents were always ornery that it snowed. I now understand their orneriness.

7. Finding the perfect present is super difficult but so worth the work.

8. I'm so glad I don't have to be in school during December...especially such a frigidly cold one! Schools have had so many inside day this month. Inside days = Worst. Thing. Ever.

9. Slipping on ice hurts your ego more than your body.


10. Drilling holes in cabinets to attach lovely hardware is super easy (if you measure correctly, see #13).

11. Crazy morning hair IS a short hair thing...it happens to all of us.

12. In-n-Out is good but not THAT good.

13. I suck at crafts because I hate to measure.

14. Though stepping into a bucket of wet paint sounds like a blast, IT'S NOT.

15. When painting a ceiling, always look down before you take a step (see #14).

16. Hot glue, old books, and acrylic paints make for a super cute wreath.

17. As grandma/married couple as it sounds, I'd rather sleep through New Year's celebrations...the holiday is so hyped up and never lives to the expectations.

18. A month filled with holidays and home projects vanishes before you get anything done.

19. I judge people based on their grammar when on Facebook or blog stalking. Yep, I'm talking to you. By the way, see's = see is. That does not make sense. Take a minute to reread and spell check...Thank you!*

20. As much as I miss my students, I'm not ready for this break to be over and I do not want to go back tomorrow.


*If there are EVER grammatical errors in my posts, PLEASE let me know. I don't want you to judge me like I judge you. :)

2009 is Over

Happy New Year!