Still Not Sure

I've been trying to write this post for a long time. I've been debating back and forth on whether or not I was even going to publish it.

...

Today was a blah of a day.

I didn't do anything today because I couldn't make myself. I just sat around in my pajamas wondering what that smell was...it was very possibly a combination of old curry and unshowered me.

I'm angry, saddened, perplexed, and a whole bunch of other emotions that I don't have words for.

I don't know that I want to really even talk about it yet. I'm not sure why I'm even writing these things. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about it but know that it is there and it's hurting me.

...

I had to stop. Right now it's just too painful. I don't know that I will ever finish this but I had to get some things out.