One Thing I Miss About Long Hair...

...being able to wake up and be somewhat presentable.

This is what I look like every morning now:

Is this a problem for all people with short hair or am I just an insane sleeper?

Kicking 'A' Holes

My school has a discipline program called Think Time.

When a student does something that is unacceptable in the classroom, he or she is sent to Think Time. While there the student fills out a form telling what he or she was doing, what he or she should have been doing, if he/she is ready to go back to class and then it's signed by another teacher.

Today, I sent a student down because she kicked another student.

Here is what she wrote:

Why were you sent to Think Time?

for kicking a a hole for blowing and spiting

What school rule does that violate?

Kind respect

What were you supposed to be doing?

Stand in line.

Is there anything else you would like to share in this note?

no nothing but he is a a hole sorry for swering in this note.


This note brightened my day.

I was going to put a picture of the note in here but I decided to keep all parties involved anonymous.

Blood and Gore

The time I spend with my guided reading groups is my favorite part of the day. It's fantastic and I learn such interesting facts about my students.

Today, we read Blood and Gore. Sounds like it's super intense, right? It's not. It's just about how your different body parts work. We were supposed to read the Bones section. I started my lesson by letting the kiddos make connections. Wow. The boys had insane connections.

First I learned that one boy has broken 14 bones in his life...Hello! You're not even 12 years old yet! Chill out with the Evel Knievel impressions. The most disgusting of his injuries included having his ear almost torn from his head. Yep, you read that right. Ear...hanging from the side of his head. How might you fix that injury? The doctor just tapes your ear to your head and you heal in a month or so. What!?

Also, I learned why I haven't had many injuries...I grew up in a family of all girls.

Is That You, Bart Simpson?

Someone just called.

He said, "Hi, is I.P. Freely there?"

I said, "Oh. You're funny."

He said, "Oh, sorry." and hung up.

It's been a great night.

Chinese Arguments

Yahoo! Chinese for dinner but who would have thought the ordering of said Chinese food would turn into an argument?

Seriously, isn't Chinese food supposed to bring people together? I know I'm always happier after some delicious Kung Pao Chicken.

Dividing and Decimals = Not a Fun or Easy Thing

I was so thrilled with the math my class was able to do earlier this week. That thrilling feeling ended today. Sixth graders have to know how to divide without having a remainder. To do this, they have to add a decimal and keep adding zeros until there is no longer a remainder.

So much for taking the test tomorrow and reviewing for the next 2 weeks

Math is Fun

After our horrible math week I decided we were going to have a great week this week.

Monday, we learned converting fractions to decimals...my students were amazing at it!

Tuesday, we learned scientific notation...my students were freaking geniuses.

Today, I asked if they knew how to multiply with decimals. They all did so I thought, "Just in case someone doesn't know how (which there are always those few who won't speak up even if I sound like I'm speaking a foreign language), I'll have my students play teacher and teach me how to multiply decimals."

It was awesome. They loved it! I even called them Mr. So-and-so or Miss So-and-so. They ate it up. I also let them call me by my first name (ooooo! Wait! You're first name isn't Miss?) because I was a student, not a teacher. I think that was their favorite part of the entire experience. Even though I know they all learned a lot, I'm sure the "What did you learn today?" conversation went something like this:

Parent: "What did you learn at school today?"

Student: "Well, I learned that Miss J's first name is Ashley and she let us be the teachers for the day."

Parent: "I'm going to have to call that school and see what kind of hair brain teacher they've hired to teach my student blah...blah...my tax dollars...blah...blah ...letting kids have fun in school...blah...Who does she think she is?...blah...I'm an irrational parent...blaaaaahhhhh.

I may be exaggerating just a little. But we had fun and the kids were super invested and eager to teach us all how to do the math so I did my job.

Is That a Baby or a Swollen Alien?

Let me preface this post with these 3 little words: I love babies!

Now that I've done that, I can rant about how ugly they are.

I live in Utah. I'm pretty young. I have a large (and ever growing) family and circle of friends. Therefor, I see a lot of babies. All newborn babies look the same: like swollen baby aliens.

This is how it goes when anyone goes to see a new baby at the hospital. (If you don't agree you're either: 1-kidding yourself, 2-an immediate blood relative of the baby, or 3-so high you can't see straight.)

You walk into a room that smells of antiseptic and baby powder.

You see the poor mommy--Bless her heart but she normally looks like she spent the last 10 hours pushing a watermelon through a mouse hole--you say something like, "You look great." (Trips to see babies turn everyone into a liar.)

The daddy asks if you want to hold the baby. (That's why I came daddy! Births make both mommy and daddy loose their minds.)

Daddy hands you the baby burrito and you're intoxicated by the wonderful smell of new baby (if you're a woman and in a relationship you talk to your significant other about starting a family as you drive home from the hospital. If you're me, you are bombarded by your sisters who have to be an aunt RIGHT NOW!!).

Then you look at baby's face. Ugh! Is baby already a prizefighter? Then you say something like, "Oh, look how tiny he/she is." Because you're trying to stop lying and you can't say "Oh, what a cutie!" because he/she looks like a swollen alien baby and any other newborn you've ever seen. Seriously, this picture below could be any white baby ever born. Maybe it's you.

I do really love babies and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad but babies are ugly for the first week or two of their lives and you all know it.

Like Mother's Milk

"You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it their bones won't grow."

~Sue Sylvester, Glee

Adventures at the D.I.

The D.I. is seriously a teacher's best friend.

I went in today to get a couple plastic buckets to hold pencils. I left with the buckets, 8 clip boards and a couple giant binders...all for under $8. Woot for people's left overs and being cheap!

Then I went to check out. The cashier began telling me about how her husband was telling her she looks like an old meth addict and how he wants to go out and get himself "a 25-year-old floozy with big boobs." (I almost said that I was 25 then looking at her and imagining what her husband looks like and realizing I'm not a floozy, I though better of myself and kept my mouth shut.)

She then says, "I think I look pretty good for 42." (Which she actually did.) Then proceeds to tell me how her husband was drunk by 11am that day (he's unemployed) and how he tried to kick her 18 year old son out of the house because he thinks the son is a druggie.

The entire time she's telling me about her horrible life I'm thinking, "Is this a hidden camera show?" "Am I being punked?" "Is Ashton Kutcher going to jump out of the rack of those horrible prom dresses from the 80's?" "Where could the cameras be?" Then I thought, "Man, this happens to me a lot. Is there something about me and my face that makes people I've never met before want to spill their life stories?"

Then she just stopped and handed me my bag. Yep, she was holding it and not letting me leave. It was very weird. Like she realized she had said a lot to someone she's never met and realized that's really odd. People are fun.

I Stumbled Upon...

the website Stumble Upon last night while trying to finish grading papers that I've put off for 4 weeks.



If you need many hours of brain numbing enjoyment, I recommend this website.*

*This website should not be used if any of the following pertain to you: you have less than an hour to kill, you enjoy the outdoors, you don't want to turn into a super geek that only has online friends, you have a family, you are employed, you have homework to do, you have anything important to do in the next 24 hour period, you have arthritis, you are pregnant or breastfeeding, you don't like funny things, or you have a life and want to keep it.

Getting Ready to Go Back

I hate grading papers.

How unethical would it be for me to make it a classroom job?

UEA Day 2

Today was day 2 of the UEA convention.

It was not quite as good but that was probably because I was feeling like crap (p.s. there are some days I hate being a woman).

I did get to talk about my favorite TV shows though and discovered that no one had even heard of Glee. What the heck!?! I'm taking the promotion of this show into my own hands right now.

Here are my plans to make Glee every person's favorite show:

--Relate every conversation to Glee. For example:
Person: "I'm so excited! I'm pregnant!"
Me: "Oh, that reminds me of my favorite show Glee. See, this girl named Quinn is a cheerleader and she's also the president of celibacy club but she becomes pregnant...not by her boyfriend but by her boyfriend's friend. But then she lies about it and says that it is her boyfriend's baby. You see how this totally is just like you and your pregnancy? You should really watch Glee because it will help you be a better mom."

--Only listen to artists who are covered in episodes of Glee.
Options as of now: Queen, Rihanna, Salt 'n Pepa, Carrie Underwood, Journey, Cabaret soundtrack, Celine Dion, Kayne West (he's out though because of his horrible behavior), Jazmine Sullivan, REO Speedwagon, Amy Winehouse, Duffy, and Les Miserables soundtrack.

--Join a show choir.

--Become a high school teacher.

--Litter and when people come at me for littering tell them I do it to keep garbage men employed so they can buy tacos for their families. Also, begin to support caning BECAUSE IT WORKS.

UEA

I went to the UEA convention today. It was great.

Here are some things I took from the conference:

• I want to move to Finland now.
  


• I want to elect Dr. Pamela Perlich from the University of Utah to the office of Supreme Queen Law Maker.
  


• Lily Eskelsen, the NEA Vice President, needs to be the presidential vice president*.
  
  
• I had a fantastic Concurrent Enrollment English teacher in high school.
  
  
• I need to do more for my kids.
  
  *I am in no way saying I have anything against the current vice president. Just having someone that high up that understands what it's like to be a teacher would be a great thing for this country.
  
  The students of today are the leaders of tomorrow. How much are you investing in your future?