Is That a Baby or a Swollen Alien?

Let me preface this post with these 3 little words: I love babies!

Now that I've done that, I can rant about how ugly they are.

I live in Utah. I'm pretty young. I have a large (and ever growing) family and circle of friends. Therefor, I see a lot of babies. All newborn babies look the same: like swollen baby aliens.

This is how it goes when anyone goes to see a new baby at the hospital. (If you don't agree you're either: 1-kidding yourself, 2-an immediate blood relative of the baby, or 3-so high you can't see straight.)

You walk into a room that smells of antiseptic and baby powder.

You see the poor mommy--Bless her heart but she normally looks like she spent the last 10 hours pushing a watermelon through a mouse hole--you say something like, "You look great." (Trips to see babies turn everyone into a liar.)

The daddy asks if you want to hold the baby. (That's why I came daddy! Births make both mommy and daddy loose their minds.)

Daddy hands you the baby burrito and you're intoxicated by the wonderful smell of new baby (if you're a woman and in a relationship you talk to your significant other about starting a family as you drive home from the hospital. If you're me, you are bombarded by your sisters who have to be an aunt RIGHT NOW!!).

Then you look at baby's face. Ugh! Is baby already a prizefighter? Then you say something like, "Oh, look how tiny he/she is." Because you're trying to stop lying and you can't say "Oh, what a cutie!" because he/she looks like a swollen alien baby and any other newborn you've ever seen. Seriously, this picture below could be any white baby ever born. Maybe it's you.

I do really love babies and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad but babies are ugly for the first week or two of their lives and you all know it.

Like Mother's Milk

"You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it their bones won't grow."

~Sue Sylvester, Glee

Adventures at the D.I.

The D.I. is seriously a teacher's best friend.

I went in today to get a couple plastic buckets to hold pencils. I left with the buckets, 8 clip boards and a couple giant binders...all for under $8. Woot for people's left overs and being cheap!

Then I went to check out. The cashier began telling me about how her husband was telling her she looks like an old meth addict and how he wants to go out and get himself "a 25-year-old floozy with big boobs." (I almost said that I was 25 then looking at her and imagining what her husband looks like and realizing I'm not a floozy, I though better of myself and kept my mouth shut.)

She then says, "I think I look pretty good for 42." (Which she actually did.) Then proceeds to tell me how her husband was drunk by 11am that day (he's unemployed) and how he tried to kick her 18 year old son out of the house because he thinks the son is a druggie.

The entire time she's telling me about her horrible life I'm thinking, "Is this a hidden camera show?" "Am I being punked?" "Is Ashton Kutcher going to jump out of the rack of those horrible prom dresses from the 80's?" "Where could the cameras be?" Then I thought, "Man, this happens to me a lot. Is there something about me and my face that makes people I've never met before want to spill their life stories?"

Then she just stopped and handed me my bag. Yep, she was holding it and not letting me leave. It was very weird. Like she realized she had said a lot to someone she's never met and realized that's really odd. People are fun.

I Stumbled Upon...

the website Stumble Upon last night while trying to finish grading papers that I've put off for 4 weeks.



If you need many hours of brain numbing enjoyment, I recommend this website.*

*This website should not be used if any of the following pertain to you: you have less than an hour to kill, you enjoy the outdoors, you don't want to turn into a super geek that only has online friends, you have a family, you are employed, you have homework to do, you have anything important to do in the next 24 hour period, you have arthritis, you are pregnant or breastfeeding, you don't like funny things, or you have a life and want to keep it.

Getting Ready to Go Back

I hate grading papers.

How unethical would it be for me to make it a classroom job?

UEA Day 2

Today was day 2 of the UEA convention.

It was not quite as good but that was probably because I was feeling like crap (p.s. there are some days I hate being a woman).

I did get to talk about my favorite TV shows though and discovered that no one had even heard of Glee. What the heck!?! I'm taking the promotion of this show into my own hands right now.

Here are my plans to make Glee every person's favorite show:

--Relate every conversation to Glee. For example:
Person: "I'm so excited! I'm pregnant!"
Me: "Oh, that reminds me of my favorite show Glee. See, this girl named Quinn is a cheerleader and she's also the president of celibacy club but she becomes pregnant...not by her boyfriend but by her boyfriend's friend. But then she lies about it and says that it is her boyfriend's baby. You see how this totally is just like you and your pregnancy? You should really watch Glee because it will help you be a better mom."

--Only listen to artists who are covered in episodes of Glee.
Options as of now: Queen, Rihanna, Salt 'n Pepa, Carrie Underwood, Journey, Cabaret soundtrack, Celine Dion, Kayne West (he's out though because of his horrible behavior), Jazmine Sullivan, REO Speedwagon, Amy Winehouse, Duffy, and Les Miserables soundtrack.

--Join a show choir.

--Become a high school teacher.

--Litter and when people come at me for littering tell them I do it to keep garbage men employed so they can buy tacos for their families. Also, begin to support caning BECAUSE IT WORKS.

UEA

I went to the UEA convention today. It was great.

Here are some things I took from the conference:

• I want to move to Finland now.
  


• I want to elect Dr. Pamela Perlich from the University of Utah to the office of Supreme Queen Law Maker.
  


• Lily Eskelsen, the NEA Vice President, needs to be the presidential vice president*.
  
  
• I had a fantastic Concurrent Enrollment English teacher in high school.
  
  
• I need to do more for my kids.
  
  *I am in no way saying I have anything against the current vice president. Just having someone that high up that understands what it's like to be a teacher would be a great thing for this country.
  
  The students of today are the leaders of tomorrow. How much are you investing in your future?

I'm in Love...

...with this Fall's new TV line up.

Seriously. Our Tivo is overloaded with all the great shows. First, there is How I Met Your Mother which I've talked about a few times already. Are you watching it? If not, start Monday. It's amazing!



Second, Glee. Who would have thought a show about a show choir would be so entertaining? This show is the most fantastic thing ever. I think I love this show so much because it combines my love of musical theater, geeks, gym teachers in short-shorts, cheer leading coaches who believe in caning and littering, slushy throwing, music from Queen and Journey, hot Spanish teachers, and germ freaks.



Modern Family on ABC is ridiculously funny. I'm pretty sure I snorted multiple times while watching it.



Community and The Forgotten are so far pretty good. We'll see how it goes.

Then there are the shows coming back: The Office, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Desperate Housewives, Lie to Me

Maybe I'll get a life next season.

No Thanks Swine Flu!

My goal this on-track session: To not get swine flu...or any flu

Poppy

Book #41: Poppy by Avi

Poppy is a young deer mouse whose troubles began when she and her boyfriend Ragweed are caught on a hill by without the permission of Mr. Ocax, a horned owl. Mr. Ocax carries out the consequence to not following his rules by killing Ragweed and Poppy manages to barely escape from his deadly talons.

After another terrifying encounter with Mr. Ocax to ask permission for her entire family to move into New Home, she is blamed on all sides by her siblings when their request was denied.

Heartbroken and lonely, Poppy sets off to New Home to see why Mr. Ocax is so afraid of letting the mice move. On her way, she meets Ereth, a grumpy porcupine. Poppy is originally scared of him because Mr. Ocax has told all the mice that porcupines kill and eat mice. Poppy soon discovers this to be a lie and begins wondering what else Mr. Ocax has lied about.

I really enjoyed this book and thought that it was a great representation of how bullies work. I may be reading it to my class when I go back on track.

I'm a Grown Up

I put an offer on West Jordan Condo today.


Holy cow. I don't think I've ever been this excited and simultaneously close to vomiting in my life.

Wish me luck!

Even Newer Hair

I went back to get my hair colored today. I also had Rachel make my hair less "soccer mom meets Kate Gosselin" and more "hip 20-something teacher/bird.

Here is the product of Rachel's hard work:

Front view

Side view...

The cowlick that ruins everything and makes my hair look like this...

Crazy cowlick view


This crazy cowlick has given me a very good idea for a Halloween costume though...I'm going to be a bird. Amazing. And I'm making the outfit...how Susie Homemaker of me.

House Dreams

Here's some background before I get into the dream I had last night.

When we went to see #2--Taylorsville Condo yesterday, another realtor and a client were looking at it when we got there.

This condo is priced right now at $128,000.


Here's the dream:

I went to Tom, my realtor, to tell him I wanted to put an offer in on Taylorsville Condo. So to do this you go to the persons house and tell them what you're offering. When we arrived this same realtor lady that was there yesterday came strolling out of the bedroom and told us that she and her client had just made an offer that was accepted. We asked what they offered and she said $220,000. I was baffled at why you'd offer almost $100,000 more than the asking price but I left and went home.

When I got home I was going to watch TV so I plopped on the couch and pressed the "on" button on the remote. Nothing happened so I looked up and saw that the TV was gone. I then looked around and noticed that doors were open and many of our things were missing.

I freaked out and ran out of the house because I was sure that who ever had stolen our things was still in the house. I was headed to my neighbor's house to call someone. As I'm walking over there a big black dog comes running down the street and then heads to our fence. The dog is barking and going crazy. I see the fence open just as the dog is getting there and a young kid (probably 13 or 14 years old) runs out with the dog chasing him. I'm super freaked so I scream and run to the neighbor's house.

Weird.

House Hunting Marathon

In this post, I told you I started looking for *houses and I was very disappointed. Well, today I also looked and it was a much better experience. Though I still ended up looking in some ghetto areas, the houses were very nice.

We began looking at 9am and weren't done until 2pm. Geesh! Looking for a place to live it exhausting.

Here are my top 4:

#1--West Jordan Condo

This is the outside of the building. One great thing about this place is there is a mammoth amount of visitor parking. Some places we saw had like 2 extra places. Also, this place was built way after I was born (2004 to be exact).


This is the living room. The big glare-y window is a sliding door that lead out onto a deck. Please ignore the old man furniture. The guy that lives here now is about 80 and moving to a retirement condo.


This magical place has 3, yes 3, large beautiful bedrooms. This is the master bedroom. It also has a giant walk in closet in the master. Really, this thing was huge. About the size of some of the bedrooms in other condos.

Here's the kitchen. The man who lives there now was there when we went to look. He kept telling me, "The microwave is an upgrade and the counters and the floor and the cabinets and..." What a cute old man. If I had some single 80 ladies in my life I'd set them up...and then the owner would give me a really good deal.

The only bad thing about this place is that it's just a bit out of my price range. Ugh! I'm hoping that I can get him to come down a bit and hopefully I'll be moving in soon.

#2--Taylorsville Condo


This is the point I got a little ghetto. First, look at this building. It's a bit run down. It was built in 1985. Plus, the condo I'm there to look at is not on this side, it's on the back, with a nice view of Family Dollar's garbage dumpster. When you walk around the building, it gets really dark (there are a lot of large trees) and the grass and plants either all died, were pulled out, or just never there (it's kinda creepy, it would be a great place to live during Halloween). I was not expecting anything nice.


Obviously, I was surprised by what I saw. This condo has been kept up very well and it's super cute (any very in my price range). This is the living room. It has really nice carpet and it's a pretty big space. To the right is the kitchen. There aren't any pictures but it's nice.

This is the master bedroom. Again, it's really nice. I don't know what else to say about it.

This place has 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms (which is really hard to find. Most have 2 or 3 bedrooms with 1 1/2 bathrooms. Ugh! That's annoying!).


#3--Salt Lake Condo (West side)



This place was vacant. It's a really nice complex nestled in a kinda rough area but I'm ok with that.


The front door is the white door next to the window on the left. The kitchen is on the right and that smidgen of blue you see is one of the 3 bedrooms. There is a second bedroom right behind the living room and a full bath between the 2 rooms. If you're standing in the living room facing the kitchen, the master bedroom is to your right.


A better shot of the kitchen. That faucet was a bit messed up. Things were not in the right place and the handle that turns on the water gets in the way. I'd replace that if this were the one I bought.

This is the master bedroom and bathroom. Yes, the carpet is horrible. Yes, I would also replace that.


#4--Salt Lake Condo (East Side)

This place is in a really nice but older area of Salt Lake. It was built in 1964 (my dad was born in 1963). It's really maintained well though. The window in the picture is the window in the living room. I liked this area a lot but the only drawback is that everything I do is on the West side and this condo is way on the East side.


The couple that live here are older and a bit formal and outdated so ignore the furniture. When you walk in the front door, you come into the living room. It's really big and nice.

The kitchen is updated. It's right off the living room. If you go out to the left, you come to a hall. There is a laundry room (it's actually a closet but whatever) an ity-bity bathroom (only 1 in this place), and two bedrooms. I think this place could have so much potential but it needs some work.

So, out of 11 places we saw, 4 were acceptable. Well, more than acceptable. 4 were places I'd actually live.

*I know I always say "house" even though I really mean condo. To me, it's somewhere I'd live and own so it's a house.