On Dating

I have been really boring the last few days just trying to figure out my first week of school (and trying to avoid thinking about it at the same time) and I found this article. I have been on some pretty boring, monotonous dates and thought this may help some of you. I have also added my own comments on some of the very important issues.

So you went out with somebody and thought they were absolutely amazing. She was the hottest, sexiest woman of the moment. So, how do you capitalize on the success of a great first date?

Here are 10 sure-fire ways to get that second date:

1. Ask her out again at the end of the first date. Invite her to do something she told you she finds exciting. For example, if she likes Mexican food, tell her you know the best Mexican restaurant in town and you want to bring her there Tuesday night. Set up that second date so she doesn't have time to think about the first date, and so she has something to look forward to.

*If you ask her on a date that involves something she mentioned in passing, she will know that you really listened to her. That is so important. I hate when I feel like I've been talking to a brick wall all night or when I say something for the 14th time and he says something to the effect of, "What?! You never told me that before." Yes. I did. Fourteen times to be exact. But that was a tangent. Just listen to her, be interested in her and this comes up later so keep reading.

2. Text her or call her the very next day. Either text her a simple message that says "Had a great time last night...Looking forward to the next time." Or, call her and leave a message and tell her the same thing over the phone.

*And if you do leave a message, make sure you sound up beat. There is nothing worse than a phone message that sounds like someone is giving you bad news when in fact he is telling you he had a great time. If you had a great time, sound like it! Even if you have to fake that enthusiastic voice, do it. If you sound bored/tired/disinterested, chances are we will become bored/tired/disinterested in you.

3. Don't agree with everything she says. Challenge her mind. If you agree with everything she says, she'll look at you as being weak. If she sees you as being weak, she will no longer be attracted to you, and you will no longer get a second look or a second date. I'm not telling you to be confrontational. I'm telling you to be open, honest and real.

*I want to be challenged in my opinions. I like to hear other's points of view. It makes me a better, well-rounded person. I've been on dates where I realized quite quickly that he was just saying things to make me happy. Guess what, it made me angry. This is how the conversations went:
Me: "And I hate babies. I like to punch them when no one is looking. Do you hate babies too?"

Him:"YES. Despise them."

Me: "And puppies too. I kick them and pull their tails. I mean who wants a puppy anyway?"

Him: "Yeah puppies suck."

This horrible display of annoying weakness did not lead to a 2nd date.

4. Don't expect sex or force the issue of sex until it's right for both parties. Take things slow and enjoy getting to know each other. There are no rules about when to have sex for the first time with a new potential partner. You're both adults, and if a woman decides that she doesn't want to have sex with you for a month, respect her! Or, if a woman decides she wants to have sex with you on the first date, respect that decision too! When you do have sex, make sure that the two of you handle it like adults and not like children.

*Ok, I don't have experience with this but let's relate it to kissing. Some girls are fine with kissing asap, some are not. Just respect it and let it happen naturally. Read her cues. If she is avoiding eye contact, she probably doesn't want to kiss you. If she is licking her lips, looking at your lips, making lots of eye contact, etc. go for it. If she turns her head, no worries, you read the clues wrong. Dust yourself off and try again on a later date.

5. Be positive and fun when you're out with her on a date. Don't bash your ex. Don't complain about all the things that are wrong in your life. Spend time getting to know each other's good sides.

*Rants about how much you hate work should also not be mentioned on date one. Or date four…you know what…keep it to yourself. Complain to your mom, your roommate, your dog, your coworker that hates your stupid boss as much as you do because your boss has no social skills, treats you like you and your opinion don't matter because you don't have a degree, makes racist remarks and is incompetent. Keep it positive with the girl you want to impress. When you get further into the relationship, she will want to hear what's wrong at work and she will probably help you find an answer to your problem. But the first few dates are not the place or the time to complain about your horrible boss (even if he is the biggest LDB who ever lived).

6. Listen to your date. Question things that don't sound right. Have a two-sided conversation instead of talking at her. Most men tend to want to impress women with their accomplishments. Women enjoy getting to know a man based on what's inside. So spend time listening and having a conversation instead of bragging about yourself. The less you brag, the more interested she will be!

*Ugh! Bragging = huge turn off! Don't do it. Again, ask your date questions. Ask follow up questions. Use good listening strategies—look at her, nod your head, etc. If she is interested in you (and not completely self absorbed) she will also ask questions of you. This is a time when you can do a little bragging (Good="Yeah, own my own business." BAD= "Yeah, at 24 I had saved enough money to buy a business. Within 2 years I turned it into a multimillion dollar cash machine. Then at 27 I expanded my empire globally…BLAH BLAH BLAH...").

7. When out with your date, do not check out other women in front of her. Do this, and you'll never get another date with her again.

*Why would this ever be acceptable? And don't ask your date if she thinks another guy is cute. First, why would you want to know if she saw him? Second, were you also checking him out? Is he more your type then she is? Just don't do it. It's annoying and immature.

8. Compliment her once about the way she looks. Don't tell her all night long how beautiful she is, because she will start to think that you've never before been out with a woman as beautiful as her, and you'll start to lose your power.

*I thought I was alone in this but have recently talked to many friends and realized they all hate it as much as I do. If you are constantly saying "You're beautiful/gorgeous/amazing/(insert any adjective to describe a girl's appearance here)" it makes me think that (a) you've never been out with anyone as beautiful/gorgeous/amazing as me and I'm obviously dating way down (b) you want something more from me and you think that complimenting me like a broken record will get you what you want, or (c) you've forgotten my name and think saying "Hey Beautiful." will trick me. It won't. I've had my name for my entire life and have grown to really like people using it to get my attention. This is a bit tangential but use her name. Call her by her name or maybe a shortened version of her name, if she is okay with that. In my case, I love it when people call me "Ash" I hate it when people replace my name with "Beautiful" "Angel" "Buttercup" "Kissy Face" "Honey Bunches of Oats" "Good Lookin'" I have a name, please use it.

9. Compliment her mind. Compliment her once about the way she looks. Bond with her mentally and emotionally and physically, and she will bond with you in ways that you've never experienced before!

*I have never been able to connect with people that don't respect me or my mind. I am a smart person and have worked very hard developing my mind and I appreciate being acknowledged for that. If you want to win a girl's heart, do it by bonding mentally, emotionally and physically. You can only get so far on half-assed one-liners about her beauty.

10. Once you've secured the second date, and the second date is successful, you need to set up an "activity date" for date number three -- take her to the park, go to the beach, or take your dogs for a long walk. Do things that cause her to picture the two of you as a couple. Dates should be creative, not boring. Sitting there and swapping stories over dinner tends to get monotonous after date number one, so start creatively planning different dates.

*Seriously, how many times can you get dinner, see a movie and make out? It gets really boring, really fast. Think of things to do with her. Use your brain for crying out loud! And, if you asked her out, it is YOUR responsibility to have the date planned. Do not, under any circumstance, pick her up and ask what she wants to do. Say "I was thinking we would do ___________. Does that sound good?" If she's not a total pushover, she will let you know that she doesn't want to do said activity and will then help you think of another activity. But it is your responsibility to plan the date you asked her out on.

That's my new dating philosophy, you asked you plan. I'll wait here until you have a plan.

Dating Coach, Blogger and Author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David's interactive blog at davidwygant.com

I Now Drive an INVISIBLE Mobile Library

I don't understand when or how it happend but obviously my car is invisible. I defy death while driving EVERYDAY! Not my fault though, I'm just driving around and out of no where there's a huge car in front of me.

I have to slam on my brakes, swerve into oncoming traffic, and say swears under my breath all the while Mr. I-own-a-huge-truck-so-common-driving-curtosy-does-not-apply-to-me is chewing on his Slim Jim and listening to his favorite hill-billy comedian ('Git 'er done!')

AAARRGGHH! All I'm saying is please watch out for gold Saturns. We don't take up much room, we're fuel efficient and we are not equipped with off-roading abilities. That's all. Please don't pull in front of me from a complete stop 5 seconds before I get to where you are. My breaks can't take it any more and my horn isn't fierce enough to make a difference. I think I'll install a profanity machine into my horn...one with a mean, scary, huge man voice. And it will be very creative in it's choice of profane words. Then you'll think twice about cutting in front of me next time.

Boys, you're not a bed of roses and you're no friend to those with noses

Oh, I forgot to mention that my class list was up in the window at school.

16 boys, 9 girls. It is going to be a smelly, smelly year.

If anyone would like to sponsor the personal hygiene of my classroom that would be great.

I drive a mobile library

I went to take my books to my school this morning.

It was closed. The one day this summer that the school is closed and I choose that day to pack up all my crap and drive it over there. Ugh. Now I have to drive with a car of books and posters until Monday because there is no way I'm unpacking it all.

Organize Books. Check!

Oh, wow. Had I known organizing my books would take days, I would have started long ago. But it is now done. I decided against putting the levels on the books. I figure 6th graders are smart enough to figure out if a book is too hard or too easy and if they can't I'll teach them.

All I did was put them in the categories that I mentioned in the last post and put them in bins. That doesn't sound like it should have taken me 2 days but it did. But now they're all pretty and organized like I have OCD or something. I'm a bit worried about letting my students read them because they'll mess up my system. Procedure #1 to be taught: How to take care of books and put them back in the right spot.

I'm hauling all my stuff over to the school tomorrow. I'm also bringing my little sister who has been hounding me to let her help me. Free labor. I like it. Maybe I'll even start decorating. I'll take pictures of whatever I do because I know you're all dying to see my creativeness in action.

Out of the Dust

Book #32 Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse

"Dust
piles up like snow
across the prairie,
dunes leaning against fences,
mountains of dust pushing over barns."

This book is written in free verse/journal which makes for a very quick read. It follows 14-year-old Billie Jo Kelby and her family from the winter of 1934 to the winter of 1935 on a farm in Oklahoma. Life on the farm is difficult for the Kelbys due to the dust storms and drought. Many people pack up and head for California but Pa thinks things will get better. Ma becomes pregnant and the family is excited. There is some tragedy in the family's lives which pulls them apart.

I loved Hesse's poetic writing. She was able to paint such vivid pictures with so few words. This was another book that I couldn't put down and I had to finish it today. It's a great book for 4th grade on up. You could even use portions of the book to teach poetry.

"The way I see it, hard times aren't only
about money,
or drought,
or dust.
Hard times are about losing spirit,
and hope,
and what happens when dreams dry up." (p. 225)

"I'm getting to know the music again.
And it's getting to know me.
We sniff each other's armpits,
and inside each other's ears,
and behind each other's necks.
We are both confident, and a little sassy." (p. 222)

Projects

Whenever I begin a new project, I always think it will take no time at all. I am always wrong.

Today I began getting all my books ready to take to my classroom. My plan is to have bins to put my books in (each labeled with one of the following: Fantasy/Science Fiction, Historical Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Poetry, Informational, Biography/Autobiography, Mystery/Horror, Picture Books, Legends/Myths/Fairytale/Fables) and also label them according to level so my students will be able to find books that are appropriate for their reading level.

I plan on making some sort of chart that just simply will be different colored dots for each approximate reading level. My students will be trained that if the book they are reading is too hard or too easy they should find a book with a different colored dot. This explanation really makes no sense at all. I'll post a picture when I get it done. I'll be shopping for supplies tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to get it up asap.

Anyway, I have all these great ideas but they're all still pretty much in my head. It took me about 5 hours to just get all my books along with their levels in a spreadsheet. Ugh. Who knew? If I hadn't wanted levels for my books I probably could have busted this out in an hour or two but no, I had to go the extra mile. Ugh again.

Also, who knew 4 years of collecting books could lead to me having so many of them? Geesh! 4 huge boxes in all and I'm still not sure if I have more scattered around my house.

As I was arranging these books I had them in huge mountains of books all over my bed. I felt like a huge book nerd but I loved it. I thought about taking a picture but couldn't get out of my bed to get my camera because I was booked in.

I'm thinking about hitting up a grocery store to see if they'll just give me some of those milk crates so I don't have to buy any. Someone probably will if I just say I'm a teacher, right? People are usually pretty generous when it comes to teachers. I just have to say I'm a teacher and I need something for my class. It usually works well.

Any suggestions for very nice grocery stores or any other things I could get for free if I ask nicely enough?

Not Quite Meeting My Goals

Today is the day that I said I would stop my goal of reading 45 books. Obviously, I didn't make it but I did read 31 more books than I would have read had I not made the goal. I plan on continuing to read but it won't be nearly as frequent as it has been. I need to concentrate on getting ready to teach and begin planning lessons and such.

Maybe by the time the first date arrives (which was August 17th) I'll be able to read the 45 books.

Why we love Ashley

Reason #77:

She turns lobster colored after 30 minutes in the sun.

Unicorns

Book #31 Into the Land of the Unicorns by Bruce Coville

Cara lives with her grandmother because her parents left her when she was a child. One day while Cara and her Grandma are out shopping a strange man starts following them. Trying to escape they run into a church and start climbing the bell tower. As the man pursues them Cara's grandmother hands her an amulet and tells her to jump off the bell tower at the 12th toll. When Cara does she finds herself in Luster, the land of the unicorns. There she befriends Lightfoot, a unicorn, the Squijum, a small squirrel like creature, and the Dimblethum, a wookie type animal. They journey through Luster in search of the Old One, pursued by the strange man and the Delvers. Along the way they meet Thomas the Tinker, a dwarf, and a dragon. Before the end Cara must face the truth about who she is and find out who the strange man is that looks familiar.

I enjoyed this book though it was pretty predictable. I would recommend it for 4-6th grades. The reading level is middle of 5th grade.

Talking Cats and Other Mothers

Book #30 Corline by Neil Gaiman

Having recently moved into a new apartment with her loving but preoccupied parents, Coraline finds herself bored one rainy day and, upon her father's suggestions, decides to explore the flat. She finds a locked door in the drawing room, which her mother opens and explains that once it led to the flat next door but was bricked up when the building (which was once a single house) was separated into apartments. That night, Coraline hears a strange noise and sees a small black shadow slip down the hall outside her bedroom and into the drawing room. When Coraline turns on the light, it has vanished, but the door which was previously closed by her mother, is slightly cracked. When she opens the door she is able to go to another apartment which is essentially the same as hers, there is even another mother and father. While there she learns to value her real parents even more.


As a elementary student, I loved being scared. This book is just scary enough to keep kids like me reading.

This is another book that many people have had a problem with. I'm not sure it it's on the censored list but people have complained. The book begins with this quote by G.K. Chesterton: "Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." Even though this book is creepy, it tells kids that scary things can be overcome. Why wouldn't we want our children to get that message from a book? It's something safe. Geesh! Stupid people annoy me!

The Great Gilly Hopkins

Book #29 The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson

Galadriel "Gilly" Hopkins is eleven-years-old and is "nobody's kid." She wants to find and live with her beautiful mother Courtney but instead has to live with a foster family--Maime Trotter (the mom), William Ernest (freaky foster brother) and the poetry-loving black man who lives next door and is considered part of the family. Gilly hates them all at first but soon she is drawn into their circle of love. She is determined not to care about them and devises a plan to be rescued. She learns too late that she didn't want to be rescued, she just wanted to be wanted.


This is another censored book by Katherine Paterson (way to go Katherine!). I think censoring books is ridiculous. What is this? Nazi Germany? Granted, there are books that are inappropriate for certain ages (i.e. The Book Thief for 2nd graders? I think not!) but no one has the right to say no one should read a certain book. Anyway, I read an article written by her about censoring books once and she mentioned this book and the swearing that Gilly does. She said if she had had Gilly say something like "Fiddle sticks!" when she was mad Gilly would not be a believable character. Gilly is a foster kid. She's mad about things, she's going to say it like she sees it.

Censoring imagination and the real world?

Book #28 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Jess Aarons is the fastest runner at his school until a new girl (Leslie Burke) challenges him at the begging of the year. Leslie and her parents are new to the rural town and are bit odd (they don't own a TV!!). Leslie and Jess soon become friends. Leslie is imaginative in her play and it's her idea to create Terabithia, their make-believe kingdom.


I love this book! I read it because it's on the banned book list so I assumed that it would be full of vulgar comments, racism, profanity, instructions on making pipe bombs...something horrible. It wasn't. As far as I can tell is it was banned/censored because people are idiots. Leslie's family doesn't believe in God and thinks of the Bible as a fictional story. There is some mild cussing but nothing that most kids haven't heard yet--most of the "cussing" are things like this: "Next a string of cuss words..." "Billy yelled a cuss word..." . Leslie calls her parents by their first names. At the end something does happen that is difficult to deal with but I think books are a great way for children to deal with difficult issues and figure out how they will deal with that issue when it comes up in their life because it will happen.

July 1st Video

I love things like this! I so want to do it! Maybe I need to move to California.







"A crack going out of business sale." "Toucan Sam is a crack dealer!"





Holy cow! I love dance shows.




Mia Michaels is a genious!