Frustration

I know I'm a good teacher.

People I've worked with know I'm a good teacher.

My professors know I'm a good teacher.

My classmates know I'm a good teacher.

My students know I'm a good teacher.

Why can't I verbalize why I'm a good teacher when I'm at an interview?

Freebies

I love free things. This is a fabulous website I stumbled upon thanks to April Showers who I stumbled upon thanks to Pulsipher Predilections (this girl is hilarious, I hope to be as funny as she is one day!). All of this stumbling lead me to an awesome freebie giveaway at Fantabulously Frugal. She is giving away great things all through the month of May. Check out the website and enter to win! Also, she has great deals that she lets you in on. It's freaking amazing!

I may have ADD

I am not licensed to diagnose anyone (though I do on a regular basis) but I really think I might. I say this because I cannot finish anything. Everything I do is in small chunks. I start a million projects at a time then it takes me forever to finish these million things. Here is a classic example from today:

I began by going to look for places to live. Because I hadn't done any research, the search didn't last long and I went home (plus I needed to use the bathroom, I have the bladder of a 3 year old lately!). I arrive home (used the bathroom) and decided I need to organize all my crap from the past year of school so I begin making piles. This then leads to me seeing my graduation announcements and realizing that I need to send those out asap so I should probably forgo the piles and work on addressing envelopes. As I'm addressing, I think "Man, it's so quite, I'll turn on some music." Which inevitably leads me to my computer where I turn on music then play 2 games of Free Cell followed by a jaunt through Facebook land and a little blog stalking. Then I made lunch and watched some How I Met Your Mother (which is the funniest show ever! Watch these if you don't believe me.)

Barney is hilarious!

Then I picked up my sister from school, finished up some homework and went to get ready to go to school. This is the time I remember I had left my piles of junk and graduation announcements all over the floor along with my music playing. ADD?

Today was my second day as a graduate student. I really like the class I'm taking but because I don't have the experience the other students have, I feel like I don't have anything to say.

I also have an interview at Grant Elementary on Friday. I hope it goes well. I really want this job!

ACK! I missed 3 whole days!

Ok. I wanted to try to write on here everyday but then a crazy busy weekend with a holiday got in the way. What to do? RECAP, that's what.

Friday: Uhhh. I just realized I barely remember what I did yesterday and I'm supposed to remember Friday. This is exactly why I should do this daily. I think I have early onset Alzheimer's. Think...Think...Think I'll get back to you.

Saturday: I worked at The Children's Center and the little one I mentioned last Saturday had another training session, this one off site. Just him and his trainees. It went much better but he was still very anxious ("My stomach hurts!"... all freaking day!). But it did go well. Cross your fingers that he'll be out of TCC soon and be in a loving family. BTW, I love this family. I hope and pray that it works out. It was also my good friend Katie's last day. Saturdays will never be the same. No more Lego jails, polygamist compounds, white trash meth houses or temples of light. I'll miss you, Katie!

Sunday: Happy Mother's Day. My ingenious Mother's Day idea did not happen. Tampons are expensive and I'm not going to waste them on making ugly flowers. We went to brunch with my grandparents, sisters and parents at Little America...one and a half hours later we got in. The food was good but the company was better. It was a nice relaxing day!

This is us walking to Little America. I should have known it was a bad sign when we had to park 2 blocks away.

Does anyone else think the signage is a bit ghetto?

Waiting for Mike to park the car (as a side note, we probably should have gotten in line instead of waiting).

I'm glad I didn't have to pay! Thanks, Mike!

Grandma and Courtney waiting...

Devin waiting and contemplating putting that chandelier in her room...

Mom waiting and hanging out with a moose...

Taking pictures of huge flower arrangements and WAITING...

Grandma, Courtney and I trying to not think about how hungry we are and waiting...

Woot! We finally got in. Omelet bar anyone?

Friday: I finally remembered. I went to a book sale with Katie and Karla then we had lunch at Amour, a cute little Indian restaurant in Draper. At 6, I went on a blind date with Karla's friend. Let's call him B. My date with B was ok but it's not leading to marriage or even a second date. Some would say give it another chance. First dates, especially blind dates are always difficult. But I just wasn't that into him. The end.

Monday: Today I subbed in a first grade class in Cottonwood Heights. It was fun and pretty easy. I'm getting pretty good at this teaching thing, if I do say so myself. At 5:30 I also start my MED program. We'll see how it goes. I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I hope it goes well but I'm a bit nervous. Wish me luck!

Moms Will Love It!

Mother's Day is just around the corner and like every year, I have not gone shopping yet. As I was pondering what to get my mom to tell her she is the best mom in the world, I surfed the world wide web. Usually I buy my mom something that she has said she wanted really badly but by the time a holiday or birthday roll around, she has forgotten saying such things and says my gift sucks (hey mom, remember that birthday when you hated all your presents? I do.).

Well, not this year. This year I will use all the love stuffed inside my heart to show her that she is a better mom than Rosanne, Peg Bundy and the Octo-mom combined. Actually, my mom is more like this:

+

-

x

=

This will be a hand-made gift from the heart...A Tampon Flower Bouquet. How could Mom deny the fact that I love her with this beautiful gift? How could she say she hates it. I think this is a winner and I think everyone should visit the website and create a gift of love for their mom. Stay tuned for Father's Day. Tampon gifts for dads? Yes, it's true.

Growing Up

Things I want...no, wait, NEED.

• A teaching job in Murray School District


• A house/condo/townhouse


• A super cute boyfriend or a sugar daddy (I'm not really this serious about a sugar daddy.
  "The Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby Relationship--The typical Sugar Daddy is an older gentleman who has the financial means to support or help out his Sugar Baby, whether she needs help in paying bills or just wants to enjoy some of the finer things in life that she otherwise couldn't afford. The typical Sugar Baby is young, attractive, and in need or seeking a more financially stable gentleman. She could be a college student, a single mom, a model, or even an aspiring actress.)" BARF! Please ignore the 'I need a sugar daddy' comment. I was trying to be funny but apparently people join websites for this purpose. For a funnier side of 'sugar daddies,' read this blog. In sacrament meeting of all places. Hilarity at its finest!

I've been thinking I would start looking for a place of my own once I graduated college (i.e. right now). I've been making mental lists of places that are for sale for some time now and I went out to really look at them, make some calls, etc. today. YIKES!! I've never bought a townhouse before but I never would have expected them to be so expensive. I would need 10 roommates and a 0% interest rate to afford the places I like and I'm not even looking at super expensive places.

Now, I don't need anything extravagant but I'm not going to live in squalor. I've done that before. Not fun! I want somewhere in a nice-ish area, close to Murray (because I will be working there!). I'm thinking 2 bedrooms so I can get a roommate to share the expense and then one day when I find said 'super cute boyfriend' and he turns into 'super cute husband' we'll have room to grow as a family. Nice carpet is also a must because I won't have money for furniture so I'll be spending a lot of time sitting on the floor.

Ugh! Growing up and being an adult is a lot of work and takes a lot of money.

Not Being Famous Rocks!

Blog, blog, blogity,blog. What to write about today. I could write about how I subbed in kindergarten and how I love kindergarten or I could write about how the dumb boot I have to wear for my toe is making my foot really stinky. But that would be boring. How about some Hollywood gossip? Nope. Sorry. Hate that but I can talk about reasons why I'm soooo glad I'm not famous.

Reason 1: I can go anywhere, ANYWHERE, in pajamas, without make-up, with a huge zit in the middle of my forehead, wearing one Crock and one Ugg boot, smelling like fish and mayo and wearing broccoli as a hat and NO ONE cares. I may get some weird looks but I'm not going to see myself on a blog or in a magazine the next day with the headline Has Ashley Let Herself Go, Lost Her Mind or Are Mismatched Shoes the New Trend?


Reason 2: My love life is my business. No one else has to know about it if I choose not to tell anyone.

Reason 3: No one votes on how much I look or do not look like a horse. Poor SJP.

Reason 4: I don't have to worry about where to put my Emmy, Oscar or MTV Movie Award (that's the one I secretly covet. Who wouldn't want a golden bucket of popcorn?)

Reason 5: If I want to eat a tub of ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner and not workout for a week I won't be on the cover of OK!Magazine with a title insinuating that I'm fat because of pregnancy or a difficult breakup. I just like ice cream and not working out. OK!

Reason 6: I can buy and use a fake Kate Spade bag and no one cares or can tell the difference. I guess I shouldn't put this out there due to this story but I really don't think I'll be bumping into Kate anytime soon.

Reason 7: There is no paparazzi outside my house.

Reason 8: When I buy milk, adopt babies from Africa, or buy new pants, it doesn't make the local news.

Reason 9: If I say something stupid, it's not recorded and I don't have to live with my stupidity for the next 3 months or more.

Reason 10: I don't have to worry about small talk with annoying talk show hosts (cough...Tyra...cough).

Reason 11: I don't have to worry about friends or family writing a tell-all book.

Basically, I'm glad I'm not famous because I don't want everyone to know everything about me, just the parts I choose to tell via blog.

Have an incredibly un-famous day!

My Cinco de Mayo Festivities

I said to stay tuned and here is a run down of how I celebrated Cinco de Mayo.

• Wore the colors of the Mexican Flag
• Wore a sombrero
  
  

• Put my dog (who is Mexican) in a sombrero

• Spoke in Spanish or with a Mexican accent
• Made a fabulous Mexican meal
  
  

• Listened to Spanish music
• Ate a taco (which stayed on my plate or in my mouth, not taco shirt today!)

That was the extent of the festivities today. Here is my toe now. The purple is gone but I have an odd bruise under my second and third toes. But we are healing, yippee!!

And I was accepted to Westminster's Master of Education program. I start Monday. Yikes.

So Annoyed but not about Cinco de Mayo

So I am a sub for Jordan, Granite and Murray school districts. At least I was until a few days ago.

Due to student teaching, I wasn't able to sub in any district except Murray (where I student taught) from the end of December to the beginning of May. This has caused Jordan and Granite to both drop me as subs. Ugh. Annoying. I called both and Granite put me back in the system while I was on the phone. Thanks Granite, you're fantastic. Jordan on the other hand has a new sub coordinator lady and she was not so nice. She just said I'd have to reapply in July. What? That's stupid. Just put me back in.

Now, you may say this is no big deal but I was supposed to sub for a friend who student taught at the same time I did. She was given a long-term sub job at the school where she taught but already had a vacation planned in early June. The school was cool with it as long as she could find a sub to cover all the days she would be gone. Knowing I'm on the sub list, she asked me. I was super excited because that's 10 days of guaranteed work. Now I have to go back and say, "Sorry Jen. Can't. Hope you find someone else." It's annoying.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

I love this holiday because it's an excuse for me to eat tacos (which will be eaten, not spilled on my shirt) and listen to mariachi music. Here are some fantastic videos for your Cinco de Mayo viewing pleasure.



Ok, I said videos before actually looking for videos. You would think there would be entertaining videos on Youtube. This is the funniest I found. Sad.



Maybe I'll make a video of my Cinco de Mayo festivities. It will probably be amazing because I am amazing. Stay tuned for the festivities.

Creeps, Tacos and 2nd Graders...

This is what my day was filled with, but not in that order.

I began the day with 2nd graders, who by the way are precious. I have never been in a 2nd grade class and I truly enjoyed it today. They still are at that point where everything you do as a teacher is fabulous. They all want to be you and they wish the adults in their lives were more like you. It's great, almost like being famous but without the giant paycheck. I had a wonderful time subbing for them today and the more I spend time in the younger grades, the more I think that I really want to teach them. I'm torn.

I also spoke with the teachers at Grant and they asked if I had a job yet. I told them no and asked their opinions on what my next move should be. They all whole-heartedly agreed that calling is not a good idea. Hmmm...I would have never thought that.

I ate a taco today, or at least I tried. Most of it ended up splattered on my shirt. I spill on myself a lot. I also work with kids so I usually just blame it on them but I guess that secret is out now. Good thing I was wearing a cardigan today. Here is another secret: if you spill on your shirt and still have places to go, just button the cardigan up higher. Problem solved. You're welcome for the sound fashion advice.

Imagine the taco picture as a big blob of taco goo and the words as not being there and the t-shirt as a button-up shirt and me as the person add a head and body and then you get the idea.

I should have gone with a Crunchwrap Supreme because it "takes popular Taco Bell flavors and makes them portable by wrapping it with a tortilla, creating a unique hexagon shape, sealed on all sides to avoid spills."


The other place I had to go was Best Buy. I didn't really have to go there but I was waiting for a friend to get home from work so I could drop something off and I didn't want to drive all the way home so I spent some time browsing electronics I can't afford. As I'm looking at some really cool cameras, a guy says, "You're hair smells nice." WHAT?!?!!? First, is that a pick up line? Second, why in the world would you be close enough to my hair to smell it? Third, I didn't wash it today and I know it doesn't smell like unicorns, flowers, rainbows and butterflies. It smells like dirty hair, eww. Fourth, did you miss the day in kindergarten when they talked about staying in your own space? Fifth, you're old. Sixth, eww, just EWWW.

I imagine it probably looked something like this, except I'm a lot cuter than Hilary and he did it without me knowing. I'm pretty sure Hilary was in on this one.

I gave him my patented "You're a creep and you should probably get away from me now before I self-defense your butt to last week" look, flipped my nice smelling hair, and walked away... as quick as my broken toe could get me out of there.

Had it gone more like this, I may have given him my phone number...ok, it's the exact same thing but it's Zac Efron and he's dreamy. Sigh...

Flash Mobbers Unite!

I want to do this. I don't know how to plan it though and make it good. I'm also not a good planner. So if anyone ever does something like this, call me, I'm in!




That poor third guy! Japanese television is a bit crazy.

Musical Spring Cleaning

I'm a musical pack rat. I have almost filled my iPod (about 7,000 songs, I know...ridiculous). I have recently noticed my computer really taking its sweet time to do things so I decided that today was the day that I would get rid of music I don't listen to any more. I have tried to do this often but I always have this paranoid thought of "What if I decide I want to listen to them again one day? Then what?" Today I pushed those paranoid thoughts out the window and started deleting. I'm down to about 4,500 songs now which is still insane but I can't bare to part with them.

Because of all this 'cleaning,' I have rediscovered some music that I at one time loved but due to the vast amount of music on my iPod, I haven't listened to in a long time.

Forgotten Favorites

• Daydreams -- Adele
• All That Matters -- Addison Road
• All I Want is You -- Barry Louis Polisar
• Dear Bobbie -- Yellowcard
• Bedroom Talk -- The Starting Line
• Build Me Up Buttercup -- The Foundations
• Don't Let it Go to Your Head -- Fefe Dobson
• World Spins Madly On -- The Weepies
• Summer is Over -- Allred
• I Can Love You Better -- Dixie Chicks
• Here's to the Night -- Eve 6
• Just One of Those Things - Meg & Dia
• Today -- Joshua Radin
• Ain't No Sunshine -- Bill Withers
• Annie Waits -- Ben Folds
• Boston -- Augustana
• When It All Falls Apart -- The Veronicas
• Check Yes Juliet -- We the Kings
• No Rain -- Blind Melon
• Paint it Golden -- Colbie Caillat
• 1234 -- Feist
• Sam's Song -- Dave Melillo
• Silent All These Years -- Tori Amos
• Screaming Infidelities -- Dashboard Confessional
• Existentialism on Prom Night -- Straylight Run
• Changes -- David Bowie
• Make Me Believe -- Angel Taylor
• Say Anything (Else) -- Cartel
• Like You'll Never See Me Again -- Alicia Keys
• Bang Bang -- K'naan
• Styrofoam Plates -- Death Cab For Cutie

These songs bring back so many memories! I can still remember the first time I heard some of the songs or the exact things I was doing when listening to them. Screaming Infidelities reminds me of my senior year of high school, skipping class to drive around in a friend's new car and sing this song over and over again at the top of our lungs.

Styrofoam Plates reminds me of a college professor that was a bit wacky but taught me so much.

Here's to the Night and Sam's Song remind me of the year I lived in Sugar House and was so poor and trying to survive my first year at Westminster.

I love how music has such a prominent place in many people's lives. People are so connected through music.

Saturdays

You know what I love? Naps, gummy candy and rainy days. All of which happened today. It was a blissful Saturday. My life is nice and peaceful right now and I'm thoroughly enjoying it!

I work on Saturdays at The Children's Center at the group home. I love my job and I think I do really important work but it also frustrates me. Not because of any of the drama that inevitably happens there but because of the biological parents of the kids who live there. It makes me so ornery that people who are obviously horrible parents can bred like rabbits while people who want children desperately and will be fabulous parents can't have kids and have to go through the difficulty of adoption or other means to have children. It's just something that has always really bothered me and today was a day that I really felt the turmoil and devastation bad choices by a parent have on their children. If only their parents had been 'good' parents and had cared for them from the start, they would be happy healthy kids.

We get "volunteers" or "trainees" who come to the center and play with kids. In reality, these are potential adoptive parents who need to see what they are really getting themselves into. We are not allowed to tell the kids who these people really are because that would get their hopes up. But we have really smart kids who have seen "volunteers" take kids home with them. These kids are not idiots. They know what's going on but we still have to keep up the appearance.

We had some new "trainees" today. A little boy who has been at the center for quite a while was assigned as their "trainer." He is supposed to teach this couple how to play with kids (Gag me!). However inappropriate I think it is, that is how things are done now. Back to the play by play. He became so anxious and upset while his trainees were at the center, he could not hold it together. This is why:

When he first came to live at The Children's Center, he was a happy boy but because of the difficulties in his life, he has become an anxious, angry, volatile child. He has been abandoned, rejected and 'given back' too many times to count which has in turn caused him to put up a wall to any family who consider bringing him into their family. I don't have a Masters in Social Work, but it seems to me that he does this so that he can't be hurt again. If he never lets anyone in, he won't have to deal with the hurt and loss that comes when they decide they can't handle him and never return. Then he is told that "their car broke down" or "they are really sick." Doesn't this also set him up for failure? Isn't he going to imagine them fixing their car or going to the doctor and getting better and then finally coming back? He wants a family desperately and asks adults at the center constantly why we can't take him home. When other children begin to get visits and soon leave the center to live with their new family, he asks when it's his turn, when will he finally get to have a "forever family?" He recently said he wanted to cut of his head and come back as a baby because "babies get a lot of attention." When adults talked to him about what babies can't do, he rescinded his comment and said he wanted to come back as a mouse or something small so he could "take care of himself."

It breaks my heart to see him in so much pain and to also know that he is causing most of his pain. If he could only take down that wall and trust a family. He is a loving child, it just takes him a lot of time. He has said to a few staff members that he trusts "I love you to the moon and back." He just needs to be given a chance. He needs patience. He needs love. If I had the resources, I would take him home in a heartbeat because I have the training and patience to put up with him and I know that in time he would be a happy, healthy kid.

Gosh! This post started on such a happy note. I'm sorry it was such a downer today but it's something I've been thinking a lot about today and needed to get it off my chest.


"Just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
~ Elie Wiesel

Fragmented Thoughts

I don't know why I feel like I have to write on here everyday (seriously, my life is pretty lame right now) but I do. It's an obsession. Maybe because I never write in my journal and I'm trying to make it up somehow...I don't know. I also know that I will severely disappoint my loyal followers if I don't post everyday. :)

I subbed today at Parkside (one of the schools that interviewed me on Wednesday) in a special ed. class. It was so boring! You'd think that I'd get to do something but I just sat around most of the day. It really was not fun. Also, I didn't feel like I was appreciated at the school. I know I already said I didn't do much but I was there and willing to work. I asked for jobs to do and I got breakfast duty, bathroom duty, filling in bubble sheets, and lunch duty. What a great day to spend a day...at least I got paid. After being there, I don't know that I really want to work there at all.

I love quotes. This is a quote I heard in my Creative Arts Methods class during the Fall of 2008 and I loved it. This quote is also one of the handful of helpful things I got from that class.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciouslygive other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others.

~A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson