Friend Quote Book

I decided to try to organize my house after I saw this lovely post on Pinterest.  As I was doing the January 4th to do, I found it...something we've been searching for...something we've missed dearly.  My friends, I found the Quote Book.

Instead of  continuing to declutter the top shelf of the closest, I read through the book.  Man!  The funny (semi-inappropriate and mostly dirty sounding) things people say out of context.  So, for your enjoyment (and because I never have anything interesting to blog about lately), the Quote Book:

Ryan: You owe me a baby!
Jenny: I don't owe you a baby.

Gabe: I did her.

Rich: It's really cold in my crotch.

Jenny: Wait.  What's something about your doodle?

Gabe: Do you like Who Whos?

Gabe: If mint is a weed, it's the best weed I've ever had.

Bryce: I still like a gaggle of peni.

Heidi: I didn't do it last night because I was wearing spacers!

Ryan: Does that say Canadian?

Ryan: Hey, Anthony!  What happened to your face?

Ryan: You know what my dad said to me the other day?  He wanted to name me Elmo.

Jaynee: Did you say buttskillet?

Jenny: Question mark.
Ashley: Answer mark.

Gabe: I thought you were an angel from my dreams.

Jayson: I didn't want to reach through Anthony's legs to grab the handle.
Ryan: Why not?  I do it all the time!

Jaynee: I'm pretty sure he's dating someone.
Gabe: Good because he was getting too close to me.

Jaynee: You're not a nice mom!  Who gives their babies noogies?

Jaynee:  I can't believe that mouthwash came out of my nose!

Jayson: 30% of all women could take advantage of me.

Jaynee:  Could you squeeze this 20 times for me?

Jaynee: I'll fluff your tree later.

Gabe: Why are you hitting on me like that?

Jenny: Don't brush his belly hair with that!

Jenny: No!  Don't stretch it out.  I'll just take it off.

Jayson (to Jenny): I will make you cry.
Jenny: I'll just massage myself.

Jaynee: This milk is...exquisite!

Jaynee: Man, I'm a lesbian.
Rich: Awww...You look cute.

Jaynee: But then all your wedding guests would have corn in their poop that night.

Jayson: Do you know what my tongue could do to your foot?

I'm Going to Punch You in the Crotch with My Foot

Sometimes I say things like this out loud. 

Most of the time it makes people laugh. 

Very rarely do I actually come through on my threats...just don't annoy me and you'll be fine.