Things Beyond My Comprehension or I Talk About Toilets A Lot

• shorty shorts and tall boots
• Decide...either it's winter/fall or summer...I know we live in Utah and the weather is a bit fickle but still...you look like a fool.
• automatic flush toilets 
• These flushers are either way too eager and end up flushing before I'm done and then splashing my bottom with toilet water or way too slow which leads to the next bullet...
• I never asked to seduce a toilet with my butt and now I have to...thanks a lot germaphobe inventor! 
• when people don't flush a public toilet
• First, I know you didn't forget, you've been flushing toilets after you've used them for most of your life.
• Second, if you're one of those "If it's yellow, let it mellow.  When it's brown, flush it down." kind of people, that's fine...in your own home.  I however DO NOT want to know for a fact that someone else has just sat on the same toilet seat I'm about to sit on...I know it in the back of my head but I like to block that thought as I sit on a public toilet seat.
• Third, I know it's not broken...I just flushed it for you.  Bleck!