I Cry A Lot

**Waring: This post is super long. I warned you, don't complain later.**

Here's the short story: I cried at school today.

Here's the whole story.

On Tuesday a student told me there was something "really bad" written on a stall in the bathroom about another student in the class. It's something that doesn't need to be repeated and involves things that I had no idea even happened between men and women until I was well into junior high...well into junior high.

So the other teachers and I called a "girl meeting" during recess and told the girls that the writing on the wall is completely inappropriate and it will not be tolerated. We told the girls that we would be more lenient if the girl who did it came forward than if we found out and the girl never came forward. We added "we always find out" at the end of the meeting.

Fast forward to just after lunch on Wednesday:

Two girls come in to me to tell me they know who wrote on the bathroom wall. So as soon as the class comes in I call a mini meeting with my class and tell them that I know who wrote on the wall and I will give the person until the end of the day to admit it to me.

Fessing up didn't happen...

...until right before school today.

This student came to me and told me that she did it. I asked why and she said it was because this other student made her mad. Ok, that's not good enough. Turns out this other student made fun of her hair. Ok, I can see being upset about that (hello, I'm a girl. Girls are all about hair. I get it.) but...what you did? Not acceptable.

Principal gets involved.

Student is suspended.

Other student is leaving our school because she doesn't feel safe (this is not the first incident with this student being the picked on one).

These three things happened during lunch.

After lunch we have writing. My students always have some little writing assignment they do when they come in from lunch so they can settle down and get back to work after 30 minutes of being insane with their friends at recess.

Today's little writing assignment was "What does it mean to be respectful to ALL students in this school?" As they were finishing their writing, I gave them the definition of respectful from our dictionary. I don't really know why I chose to do that, but I did...and as I did, I began crying.

I'm the BIGGEST baby ever. Especially when it comes to people being unkind, disrespectful, vicious to each other and even more so when those people are my students who I care about as much as if they were my children. It breaks my heart. I can't control it. I can't shut off my heart. I've tried to not care and not get involved but it's impossible for me.

Maybe you think that makes me weak and a bad teacher in some way but I think it makes me a better teacher. The kids I work with have such difficult lives and they need to know there is someone there that cares. I am that person in their lives. If these kids leave 6th grade and the only thing they know is that I care about them, I will feel like I am a successful teacher. Ok, and I want them to know how to work with fractions and read at grade level.

Anyway, after they wrote I talked to them about how much it hurts me to hear that they are being rude to each other. I told them what bullying includes and that it is something you do that makes people feel bad. I think before today, they thought that bullying was being physically aggressive.

I cried and I was a wreck and I was embarrassed and I was angry and I was sad and I was done.

Our principal is sick of the crap that is going on in 6th grade so she had us talk to the kids and had them write lists of the kids that they've seen or heard bullying others and also kids they've heard swearing.

After I got these lists (if you were wondering, EVERY student in my class was on someone's list), I passed out the lyrics to Imagine by John Lennon and read the lyrics to them,

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today...



Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace...



You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one



Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world...



You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one

Again, I cried. My kids cried. We cried together. I feel like I need to help the kids work on being kind and respectful every day.

If you have any songs, poems, stories, ANYTHING that would be good for these kids to hear, please leave a comment and let me know. I'm at a bit of a loss right now. I don't know what else to do with them.

I did learn that crying is a good weapon. These kiddos were so great the rest of the day. I loved it...aside from the feeling like crap part.